"Hello" Those words repeated to me as I came out of my daze. "Do you have an appointment" the lady at the front desk asked as conscientiousness took back over me.
"Yes" I answered back. I quickly checked in, then went over into the lobby to wait. Lauren sat next to me, smacking on her bubblegum. We were waiting in the lobby of planned parenthood, I've decided to just go forward with this abortion, not for Ray but just for myself, shit I haven't spoken to Ray since our last phone call.
I want no tied connections with that man, especially not ones so drastic! If I decide to go forward with this pregnancy I see a lot of stress and worrying bout a nigga that ain't even worried bout me.
I would want my child to feel very loved and wanted living up under both parents roof, together. Have a father that loves him or her, no babymomma drama, that just got his shit together. Ray was always in trouble with the law, this made it hard for a lot of things we wanted to accomplish. Personally, and together.
I don't know if Ray knew that I was going ahead with this procedure, I could care less, shit I bet he could care less! Let me tell y'all! if Ray wanted to be in my child's life he would! with no hesitation. But he didn't want to! I just knew he didn't.
Messiah wouldn't have a father if I didn't interfere. By the time me and Ray started speaking again, they were on their second DNA test. Ray didn't want to come to terms with that being his jhit, he had gotten another test done for him and the boy, and as we all know, he was his.
He cried to me at nights that he didn't want that boy to be his, he blocked her cell and decided to go ghost. He was planning to leave and have her raise that baby on her own, but I wasn't having that! He made that baby so he needed to take responsibility or what he created.
Ray was really scared to be this kids pops. He was paranoid about being locked up, and he damn sure didn't want to seem like a horrible person to his own child, which he's not! Ray was a very misunderstood person, he's been through so much, his heart was on ice.
Ray may have seemed heartless, but he was just cold. I believed he wanted to hurt people, before they got a chance to hurt him. I just can't believe I let him take advantage of my love in the way he did.
How could I let him put me in this situation, then leave!
My shoulders shivered from the temperature in the building. "Alexes Williams" a voice called out for me, a nurse stood in the doorway leading to a long hall. She sandwiched two sheets of paper in between her fingers as she called out my name.
Me and Lauren stood making our way up over her way. She allowed us through, leading us into a brightly lit room. I don't even know what was going through my head at that very moment. Was I doing the right thing? What if surgery goes wrong?
These thoughts rang through my head.
"Ms Williams" the nurse interrupted my thoughts. "Huh?" I mumbled, giving my attention to her.
She held out a long white surgery gown, handing it over to me. "I'll exit the room so you can get changed up darling" she repeated herself.
"Okay, thank you" I spoke. She nodded her head up and down as she left the room as promised.
"You okay?" Lauren got up, helping me get undressed. I nodded as I exposed myself, taking off my white long sleeve top.
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