Starting Over

Chloe's Back to Bad Habits

"You look exhausted," Toby said as we sorta speed-walked next to each other on the track. "Are you hydrated? Have you been able to keep any food down?"

"Yeah, I'm better physically now but couldn't sleep. Nightmares." I'd spent another night tossing and turning, unable to get any rest. At some point I gave up and chain-smoked on the fire escape while my thoughts fought over what to do, which I currently regretted because even our slower pace winded me.

"Dreams are a reflection of our unconscious mind... stressed?"

"Fuck work." My brain was too sleepy to think before speaking, so I needed to change the subject. Knowing Toby, he'd figure everything out with only a couple of questions. "How's your preparation for the training in DC this weekend? I can't believe you're here today... always so busy!"

"Your preference for deflecting may be part of the problem. Talking out stressors relieves the subconscious and promotes a more restful sleep."

My heart skipped a beat at his stern-ish tone, and I glanced over at him. Toby really wanted me to be honest with him. "There's just a lot going on. I'm halfway through my contract with Gabe and I dunno if I should renew or not. But I legit want to know about your training."

"What are the pros and cons of staying versus leaving?"

"You expect me to produce a list right now???" He wasn't entertaining my attempts to control the conversation, which provoked nervousness and excitement at the same time. "Pros: the salary, my co-workers are cool, everyone likes me. Cons: I kinda suck at the job, we don't even know if Gabe will decide to keep me, and some clients are horrible and disgusting..."

Toby cut me off. "Something happened with a client. What was it?"

I almost stopped in the middle of the track, not appreciating his psychic abilities. "He's a creepy old guy who was hitting on me..."

"Seems deeper, but I'll entertain that. What did he say that bothered you?"

My entire face burned red, not just from the sun beaming down. For a moment I considered what to disclose, eventually settling on, "I don't wanna talk about it."

Now Toby absorbed himself deep in thought, psychoanalyzing me to figure out how far to push. His methods of extraction were more subtle than Izaak's, more intuitive. We sped up a little to make the silence less awkward and jogged nearly a full lap when he finally spoke. "Did you have nightmares as a child?"

"Oh yeah, all the time. Especially when my parents split... but that was probably because my mom put me in the middle of their drama..." The gnawing in my stomach at that memory almost made me sick again. "But eventually my dreams became more useful, gave me solutions to my school problems or whatever."

"What was your mother like?"

Another topic I preferred to avoid, but at least she didn't affect my life anymore, and it was better than questions about Winters. I had repressed my memories of her, so it took a minute to figure out a response. "Unpredictable. There were probably enjoyable moments, but I only remember the constant fighting. Her yelling. Threatening to leave. Until one day she finally did and had the nerve to think I'd join her. I always liked my dad more, anyway."

"Why's that?"

"He spoiled me. We had a lot of fun together..."

"Speed it up, ladies!" Izaak hollered with a smile as he lapped us.

His voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "My dad just gave me more positive attention," I said in a hurry, remembering to be careful about how much I disclose. Toby was too easy to talk to... I didn't need to get attached. "Now I've talked enough. It's your turn to tell me about the training."