Come A Little Closer (A Duff Mckagan Fan Fic)

Chapter 3

Six days later

I went over Duff's house that night to say goodbye. We hung out as usual, but there was a tone of sadness in the air. Not only was he leaving me, but I also hadn't seen my parents in more than a week. Bills were piling up, food was running low and I was scared shitless. I neglected to tell Duff because he would only push harder for me to accompany him.

I knew Duff would start in again with the same old argument that deep inside my heart I knew was true, but I just wasn't ready to uproot my life in the middle of this chaos, and take off without a plan. I needed to figure out what the hell was going on with my parents, I needed to just hold my shit together until I graduated and came of age, then I could dictate my own life.

Besides, I'm pretty sure a seventeen year old can't run off to LA and try to live a legit life without any paperwork or ID. Schools don't just take any random kid off the street, he had to know that.

"There's nothing good here in Seattle, LA is exciting and they'll be so many opportunities there for you. Just think about it, you could be anyone you want to be, we could start over and leave this shit hole behind." He pleaded with the same argument I'd heard a million times.

"Duff, you know why I can't go. Stop making this harder for the both of us."

He tilted his head back and downed the rest of his beer. The room fell quiet with only the hum of Elvis Costello's My Aim Is True spinning on the turntable, the sounds of Alison playing through the speaker

"Allison, I know this world is killing you....."

I looked over at Duff who was sitting next to me on the crappy couch in his basement. He looked almost a bit angry.

"What's the matter?"

"Really? Whats the matter? Nobody else is going to protect you or give a shit about you like I do. You're parents obviously haven't been around for days and everyone around here has their heads up their asses and-" I cut him off.

"Are you really going to pout over this? You obviously don't care, you're the one fucking leaving me!" I couldn't help but be angry, his words contradicted his actions and he always assumed he was the only one that could ever love me. Yeah, maybe my parents weren't the best, but they loved me, right?

Fuck

"Am I really that pathetic that you think that no one else is gonna care about me." My voice wavered off at the end as I started to get choked up.

No tears, not for him, not for anyone.

"You know that's not what I meant. You're missing the point..." Duff muttered

"I think I should just leave." I got up and started to walk away.

Maybe that wasn't what he meant, but he was only hurting us both and I don't want to have my memories of Duff ruined by shit he said when he was drunk and upset.

I hadn't even reached the steps when I heard him get up behind me. I felt him grab my shoulder as he turned me around and kissed me. At that moment, my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.

I just had my first kiss with the only boy whose ever cared about me.

This was not sweet and tender like every girl imagines their first kiss to be.

This was desperate and frantic and painful as hell.

I pulled away and looked into his dark eyes for the last time before I walked away. It was for the best, I was sure of it. I needed to leave him before he could leave me.

I walked home in the dark still hyperventilating from the scene in Duff's basement. He was tearing me apart piece by piece but I'm sure that in a month, hell, in two weeks, he would have forgotten about me.

I needed to get over this. It was over and he's now nothing but a memory. He thought he wanted me to go with him, but it was most likely just the fear of being alone and the want to have someone to take care of him that drove him to ask me to leave. I needed to tell myself this, it was easier that way.

I opened the front door of my small house, but it was too dark to see anything but streetlights beaming through the dirty windows, the light from the street lamps being warped by the dust.

Nobody was home.

Admitting it was hard but in reality, I missed my parents. I missed the way they were when I was young.

Mom would always wake up early on Saturday mornings to make pancakes. And that time Dad had learned how to braid hair just so he could do my hair every day before school.

I never went a day feeling unloved.

Things were easier before their addictions stole them away from me. Now I didn't know where they were or if they were even alive. Had I been abandoned yet again? Did I matter enough for anyone to stick around?

I was stuck somewhere between wanting someone yet wanting to push everyone away.

I couldn't be soft anymore. I couldn't endure the pain of loosing everyone I've ever cared about ever again.

The bills were piling up and I'm sure if they were left unpaid much longer that some bill collector would find out that my parents had left. I was not going to be kicked out on the street or thrown into foster care. I needed to find money, and I needed to find it fast.

Forget the boy who left me here to rot. Forget my parents who love the high more then their own child. Forget all the broken promises. I was all I had.

I was all I needed.