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The title has a very obvious relation to the blurb and your story in general, and this is something that I'm personally grateful for. It doesn't take forever to finally wrap one's head around the concept of your book, 'Forbidden territories'. Catchy as well, if you ask me, and I'm glad for that. It's also easy to remember and has that underlying potential to pique one's interest.
The cover.. took me quite a while to figure out whatever the hell I was looking at. 😂Still didn't get the picture till the third time when I decided I was really gonna have to write on it. It's partly dark, and while it has a bit of inner depth(obviously), it's also tainted with aloofness. Basically, it's unpredictable. Hard to guess. Without your blurb, no one would've seen your story idea coming(how it's supposed to be, if you ask me). And that's something some covers do. Ruins the fun.
THE BLURB:
This! This did it for me.
Usually, where the cover fails, the blurb redeems. You didn't take any chances and I like that.
Honestly, yeah? I don't touch books with blurbs that don't leave me wanting. While some are attracted to catchy covers and nice names.. the blurb is the flame to this particular moth.😂So.. question is. Did it leave me wanting? 🙂Maybe.
Honestly though, your blurb drew me in more than the cover. I don't know what I was expecting when I accepted your request, but it wasn't this. (Positively.)
And that wonderfully made quote of yours I love so much already, that's now and forever indented in one beautiful corner of my brain..😂 'You can't scream at the world and expect it not to scream back.'
Now THAT'S the kind of opening I'm talking about!!
THE INTRODUCTION/PROLOGUE:
Wow! Honestly.. while I can say the intro was short, the mood present was intense, powerfully detailed, and the emotions were portrayed beautifully!
You've got close to perfect analytical skills and attention grabbing verbiage that spills much of your imagination into your writing that made it feel almost like I was watching..NOT reading!
Also.. There's probably more? But firstly.. try to write your figures in words. Like in that first paragraph. We use 'twenty one' not '21' in situations like that. It can be written in figures when in reference to time? Say 11:00? Or date.. probably for a diary scene. 21/2/2004.. but I still use words either way.
Also.. still on the first paragraph. Your use of 'frozen into the ground'(How does that even happen?😂) Really should've be 'frozen TO the ground'.
I still think you write beautifully considering the fact that English isn't your first language.
And writing like that kept me wondering. .what the hell happened??
How did she get here? And so on. Questions that makes readers want to dig deeper. And that's the aim now, innit.😂
THE WRITING:
The good news:
Can we just take a moment to appreciate your incredibly detailed descriptions?!!!
Like Fr!!!
Honestly, those were some hands down vivid ASF descriptions. That's one of the best parts of writing. The ability to portray words exactly as they appear in your mind's eye. Most especially the ice cream eating scene at the very beginning!😂😂 That was relatable ASF!
Your imagination and creativity is incredible! And ultimately, enviable.
The bad news: There's still some punctuation and a little misspellings here and there. 'Misspellings' because it's obvious to me that you really do know whatever the hell you're writing/trying to say. .so chances are that it's a typo.
Please see to them. You can easily edit them while doing a re-read. The good thing though is that it's practically invisible unless you're really searching for it. And most readers don't just go in search of errors when reading for fun, do they?😂
OVER ALL:
Captivating plot. I think the story is well written and certainly deserves more reads and votes. A little bit of editing and polishing will go a long way in elevating your book further.
