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Hey love, I'll get right into it. I apologize this took longer than I claimed.
You mentioned that these are stories you have been working on privately, hence why I will not comment on the title or cover. But if you want to get public in any sort of way, you need to show more effort in those two aspects. As for the blurb, I like how you kind of broke down what each of your short stories was about. What I enjoy most about it, though, is the wording.
Now let's get into your writing.
CHAPTER ONE: Rockefeller Center Is Coming Down
Interesting start. You went straight into the action without missing a step, and that's a perfect way to grab a reader's attention. It makes your audience want to continue and find out what's happening to the character, ask themselves questions that will later get answered the more they read. You did this perfectly. You didn't just say "a bunch of people died" or "an earthquake happened, buildings fell." As an author, you managed to give us a complete experience.Now going further into the chapter, I noticed your usage of vocabulary. I didn't even know what some words meant. Don't get me wrong; some of your descriptions were fantabulous, while others need some work.
Here's an example: "Chronology." An unnecessary word that throws off your paragraph's entire vibe. I honestly had to look up what this meant. You should refrain from using formal phrases like that when writing an action scene. It stops that eager, blood-pumping feeling of your audience and makes them look back to think about the word. That's not good because you want them to inch onward, to be excited to turn the page, not confused unless it goes along with your plot.
Another example of a word throwing off your entire demeanor is "furcate." When I hear this word, I instantly think of an animal or Pokémon, not the earth splitting in half. To create more suspense, you can reword that entire sentence by mentioning the rumbling or shaking and how it made the character feel. You could also use a synonym such as; "branched off" or "split." Both sound better in the heat of the moment.
The ending was phenomenal, and by far, the best part of this story. You left us at a vast cliff-hanger that personally made me salty. You described aftershock and left readers wondering what Mei did next. You left us wondering about her mom or if the earthquake began again. Great job. Like I said before, you're great at action scenes; just work on your wording.
CHAPTER TWO: Walkers, Fight, Run, Blood.
I won't waste your time and get repetitive, so I'll wrap this up with a summary. You did a fantastic job balancing out physical feelings and physical surroundings. I could see the scene clearly; I felt Clyde's heartbreak as he lost his friend. As rage encaged his body, and how you took your audience inside his head. I applaud you for this one. Your descriptions were on point despite it being such a short paragraph.
That's all for this review, I hope you enjoyed this as much I enjoyed reviewing.
