Bee Hive Reviews

#8 KILL'EM WITH KINDNESS

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Reviewer: 2storytime

Title: Kill 'Em With Kindness

Author: @ItsJadeFlores

Before we begin the review, the following page will have a lot of pointless drug names. Alcohol, ecstasy, cocaine, heroin, cum, weed etc .

Fuck! I had to down an entire Jack Daniel's before I could stomach some mafia shit. Grab your cocktail and let's get this over with.

COVER AND TITLE: 5/5
I really love your title. It had a certain quality and it's very inviting. Certainly makes one want to open your book. Your cover was fine as well. Nothing remarkable but also very appropriate, so I gave you full points on that.

BLURB: 3/5
Your blurb was well done though a bit too short. You didn't give too much away but also I felt it wasn't enough. If I wasn't reviewing I'd ask myself if I NEEDED to open the damn book after reading that blurb. Quite frankly my short answer.... "FUCK NO! I have better things to do."

PROLOGUE: 4/10
You chose me and you know prologue is in my criteria. You didn't have one. You however had that introduction page so I gave you half points.
When I get to a big problem in your book a bit later, I'll tell you how a prologue could have saved the day.

PREMISE: 5/10
Meh!

I know you're asking why. I was in chapter three and it still wasn't clear enough for me WTF was happen in and what the point was. I kept going back to the fucking blurb to remind myself of what I was reading and frankly, it didn't help.
Suffice it to say even by the end of chapter five, I still felt cheated.
Your blurb promised a very dramatic and action packed premise and all I got was a five chapter introduction of an introduction. So even though I loved the premise your blurb promised, I never got it.

PLOT: 11/20
Too! Fucking! Slow! The biggest problem your book suffers is in this category. With today's attention spans, you can't afford to bore people. Especially not on Wattpad where options are endless.

Your story moved like my hung over ass on a Monday morning. You cut off your story's legs and the bloody sight is a fucking nightmare to watch.

I mentioned to tell you how a prologue can save a story. All the time you wasted in spinning us around in pointless circles could be easily fixed with a sizable prologue. The prologue could show us what you need to set up instead of using five entire chapters to do so.
It was especially excruciating when I read chapter four. Why is it so fucking long?

If I was a casual reader, I'd have given up on your book after chapter two.
You seriously need to revise your plot structure and ensure you don't continue that trend. Pacing is key in grabbing readers.

Also apart from pacing and why your
score is sniffing the ass of 10/20 is the atrocious sin of stunted attention. You spent four chapters establishing your MC's natural environment (a huge problem already) then instead of giving time for her love for Mafia dick ( I forgot his name) to develop, you used a plot evice I can't stand, love at first sight. For fuck's sake!
One and a half chapters at most to show us your MC's natural environment.

CHARACTERIZATION: 5/20

Maria-
You failed to do in five chapters what a good author needs to do in a few paragraphs. The first time we see your main character should be memorable. Maria isn't even remotely memorable after five. That's bad and I suggest you go back to the character development drawing board. Also it was unfair for her that you kept changing the POV.