christian dior | lil peep

3. why do you party

i hadn't stopped thinking about gus since i had met him, he was the perfect balance of caring, cocky and charming. "you wanna go out tonight?" addison asked, poking her head into my room. "hell yeah" i said, i was always down for a good time. "why don't you bring that new boy toy of yours? you were quite a keener the night you met him" addison said, suggestively raising her eyebrow at me. "don't call him that, and technically we're just friends" i told her "but yeah i can invite him".

"friends don't sleep together kennedy" addison reminded me "it was one time, we were drunk, and it was good so shut up" i said, i was always secretly hoping gus and i would become more than friends. "just invite him" she said, walking back down the hall. "on it" i called to her.

kennedy
yo

gus
what's up

don't talk to me like we're bros if you wanna be my girl baby

kennedy
whatever

me and addison are going out tonight

join us?

gus
well if you're gonna be there how could i say no

kennedy
i'll meet you at your place

8 sharp!!!

gus
you got it princess

i couldn't help but feel butterflies and smile whenever gus called me cute pet names, i know we aren't together but he sure did talk like we were. it was 6 now, so addison and i had 2 hours to kill before i picked up gus. addison would most likely take her own car or uber.

the trek to gus' was much less pleasant at night in the cold wearing a short dress and heels compared to the walk home from the drug store in comfortable clothes. i went with the classic 'little black dress' and black heels combo, considering i probably had 100 of them. i walked mindfully up the apartment stairs, the elevators were conveniently super busy tonight.

i knocked on his door at exactly 8, like i said. gus opened the door a moment later "wow you're actually ready, i'm impressed" i told him. "anything for you" he said. "cheesy" i said, rolling my eyes at him "i can just not be perfect next time, watch your attitude" he told me, in a half joking half serious warning tone.

"so where are we going?" gus asked me as we walked to his car. "some party, addison got invited. you know in her influencer ways she just knows everybody apparently" i said. "nice, nice. why'd you invite me?" he asked, "i wanted to see you again" i told him, that was the honest truth. "i was hoping you would" he said. "you're a cocky bastard, eh?" i asked him, "nah, i just know you like me" he said.

gus and i took an uber to the party, we headed straight to the bar, i ordered two plain cranberry juices, "are you not drinking?" gus asked, "hold on" i said carrying them back to the table, we sat down and i pulled the mickey of vodka i had brought in out from under my bra band, "what the fuck?" gus asked "didn't feel like paying out my ass for drinks tonight" i said. gus shrugged "fair enough. but hahah nice, titty booze" he laughed. "i woulda got you drinks though" he said "it's okay, you seem to like to get me absolutely hammered" i laughed.

"addison!" i said, noticing she had just walked in the door "i'll be right there" she said, walking to go get a drink first. "hey" addison said, sitting down at the table with us. "you must be gus?" she asked, turning her attention to him "the one and only" he said "you better treat her good, i won't hesitate to punch you in the mouth" addison threatened "note taken" gus said, putting his hands up in a fake surrender. "we're just friends addi" i said, "just friends" gus and addison said at the same time in a mocking tone.

"hey! addison" some girl said, approaching our spot. addison seemed to recognize her, as she stood up to go talk to her. "well i guess we just lost miss social butterfly for the night" i told gus. "why do you party kennedy?" gus asked, "huh?" i asked, "for fun?" i said, isn't that obvious? "no, the actual reason. this isn't actually fun, being stuck in a room with hundreds of strangers with your mind and body not functioning properly, not fun" he said "i do it because i'm scared of being alone" gus said, "so i constantly surround myself with people, so i never have to fear being on my own" he continued to explain.

"validation" i said, "from who?" he asked, "addison, social media, both of our platforms. i don't feel worthy of being her friend if i party with her, i'm scared i'll lose my place in her life" i told him, it felt strange to willingly admit the truth to someone, but i also didn't really realize i had a reason until gus asked me. we both sat in an awkward pause, that was probably the deepest conversation we had ever even had. "wanna go get high?" gus asked "yeah, that'd be good" i said.

gus and i set on the back steps of wherever it is we were. he pulled out a pre rolled joint and lit it, passing it to me first. i took a long drag, letting the smoke warm my lungs. gus and i continued to pass it back and forth until it was down to the roach. "i you're really cool kenny" gus told me "i think you're really cool too gus" i told him back. he leaned closer to me, putting his arm over me while we sat on the cold concrete stairs.

we sat and giggled at nothing and staring off into space, as stoned as we were. "what's the story behind this one?" i asked him, tracing around a poorly sketched mickey mouse head with 'mood' written under it. "i let my friend practice on me, it's one of my favourites actually. good memories, kinda sums me up" he told me "nice, very brave to let your friends practice putting permanent stuff in your skin" i said. "well" he said, gesturing to all of his tattoos "i've think i've always got room for one more" he said. i laughed, "i guess you're right" i said.