"can you pass me water?" gus asked, extending his arm. blue bruises littered his veins, from all of the needles and ivs being stuck in him. i had ended up staying the night, i'm not sure why. we just ended up talking and i got distracted without realizing the time, so i crashed on the shitty hospital provided couch sofa.
"yeah here" i said, passing him the bottle. "thanks hun" he said. "gus you gotta stop talking to me like i'm you're girlfriend" i told him. "you may not be my girlfriend but you're always gonna be my girl" he said, "what does that even mean?" i asked. i will admit, it was hard to hate gus when he was in this venerable condition, hurt and struggling and also being super sweet to me.
he passed the bottle back to me so i could put it back on the table, our hands briefly touching. gus took the opportunity to grab my hand, interlocking our fingers. "gus" i said, in a warning tone. "kennedy you can hate me until the day i die but i'm never gonna stop fighting for you, even if we're never together again at least i'll know i died trying" he said. "gus you've got to let me go, i've already hurt myself too much holding onto you" i told him. "but i love you" he said "i love you too, and that's why it hurts so much. this isn't healthy, we can't go on like this gus", i told him the truth.
gus looked like he was about to cry, "gus, i'm sorry. you hurt me, said you'd change and did the same thing again. i can't forgive you anymore, there's no more second or third or fourth chances. you broke my heart into a million tiny pieces", i was getting emotional now too. "let me put them back together then" gus said, gripping my hand a little tighter. "gus we can't be together, i'm sorry. our time has come and gone. i loved you, fuck i still do. i'm just too hurt and you can't seem to realize that" i said, a single year starting to fall down my cheek.
"don't cry please, i already hurt you enough"
gus said. i was at a loss, being back with him and reminding me of all the good times was filling my heart with an aching loss for him, however my brain knew it would be a completely stupid choice to go back to him. i loved gus, but i can't find it in my to forgive him for what he had done. i missed him, but i owed it to myself to keep myself away from toxic relationships.
a nurse walked back into the room, interrupting our little moment. she looked at me strangely, noticing me holding his hand. she was the one i made it very clear to that i was his ex girlfriend. gus got another round of medication into him. "he's gonna go for another x-ray to check on the broken ribs and lung puncture, are you okay to stay here?" she asked me. "yeah i'll be waiting" i told her. she took gus out of the room, leaving me alone.
his phone was still laying in the bed, there was a polaroid of us in the back of his case. i smiled, remembering the day it was taken. we were so happy, why did it have to go so wrong? out of curiosity, i picked up his phone. my face id was still in it. i slid up, just to take a peek. i guess he wasn't lying when he said he had no one, the only person he had texted since our breakup was his mom a few times. i noticed a trend as i glanced through each app, he had removed every girl but me.
gus made me wanna believe him so badly, i wish i could trust he would change and never do it again but he already broke my trust twice. he did everything so right until it was wrong, i put his phone back down where it was left, not to raise any suspicion. this scan was taking a while, i decided to go grab a snack and drink from the cafeteria downstairs.
i rode the elevator back to the eighth floor with my juice and bagel, on my way back to the hospital room. i could see people moving around through the small glass slat in the door, i guess gus was back. two nurses re arranged him back into the bed in the room, re connecting him to all of the machines. "sorry" i said, sneaking back into the room not wanting to interrupt. "i thought you left" gus said, "i was just getting a snack" i said, holding up my food. "oh okay" he said, quieting down until the nurses left us alone again.
"how are you feeling?" i asked him, it had only been a day and a half since the incident "like shit, but a little less like shit than yesterday" he said. "that's good at least" i said. "they told me i could probably go home tomorrow as long as i stay stable tonight" he said, "that's good news" i said, i was starting to panic about having to stay with him again. we both wanted each other back, i knew i did in my heart. i had to hold myself to some sort of moral though. i was strictly there to watch over him until he was strong enough to be on his own, he hurt me too badly and i didn't deserve to do it to myself again by getting back with him.
gus unclasped the chain he had around his neck, small pink crystals within the links. "have this" he said, placing it in my hand. i had never seen him take it off. "why?" i asked. "just to say thank you, thanks for being you and thanks for taking care of me, after all the shit i've put you through you're still here for me one way or another. i appreciate you kenny, i love you" he said. i played around with the chain in my hands, picking up the small 'cd' embellished link between my fingers. "it's christian dior, bitch" he said, i smiled remembering what he had said to me the very first night we had met. i let him clasp it around my neck, i'm not sure why. he was getting back into my head and my heart.
a/n
should she take him back or nah lol
chapter question: coffee or tea? or energy drinks if you're chaotic i guess ? i prefer tea or monster energy's lol. coffee makes my guts feel like they're rotting out of my body
