christian dior | lil peep

4. i don't wanna be alone rn

gus
come over please

i need you

i don't wanna be alone rn

kennedy
gus what's wrong?

are you okay?

gus
please just come
kennedy
i'm on my way

i pulled myself out of bed, my hair was messy and i was wearing just an oversized hoodie, i put some sweatpants on and grabbed my purse and keys. of course it had to be pouring rain outside when he needed me over at 2 in the morning. i drove to gus', struggling to see through the sheet of rain hitting my window even with the wipers on top speed.

i knocked on gus' door, waiting for him to open it. a minute later gus cracked his door open, "hi" i said, he stood in front of me, tears sat in his reddened eyes and his breaths were shallow and shaky. "gus what happened? are you okay?" i asked him, immediately concerned by his state. "i'm not okay, i'm just a fuck up" he said, running his hands roughly through his hair. "gus, what happened?" i asked again, still trying to asses the situation.

"i'm just a fuck up, worthless person. i've been alone with my thoughts too much and it's too much" he told me, his voice cracking from tears. gus fell into my arms before i could say anything else, crying into my shoulder. "you're not even close gus, you're worth it. i promise." i told him, rubbing his back.  "my life is going nowhere" he said, "i feel like i'm reaching my breaking point every fucking day".

"you're not going nowhere gustav, you're full of potential and talent. you'd be a diamond in anything you do, and i'm here whenever and wherever you need me. whatever you need, i'm here" i told him. i took gus back to his bed so he could sit down. he curled into a hall with his head in my lap, he didn't say anything so i just rubbed his back and occasionally running my fingers through his hair.

"do you need anything?" i asked him, "just you, here" he said. "i'll stay as long as you need" i told him. my heart broke at the sight of gus crying helplessly in my lap, i was trying my best with him but i hadn't known him long or well enough to know exactly what to do. 

his tears had stopped and i felt his breathing slow down, his chest rising and falling slowly against my leg as he started to fall asleep. i didn't even flinch, not wanting to wake him now that he had settled. i stayed sitting in the bed, with the beautiful boy sleeping on me. gus' phone lit up on the table beside me, i quickly changed the ringer to silent so it didn't wake him up.

tracy
hey man u ok?

just checking in

haven't heard from you in a while

i left the texts for him to get in the morning, it's good his friends were checking in on him, however he said that he hadn't heard from gus in a while, maybe gus hasn't been okay for a while now? here i was at 3am, with a guy i had only met 3 times now worried about him like he's been my best friend for ten years.

the rain had only gotten worse, you could hear thunder quietly rumbling in from farther away. gus stayed soundly asleep while the rain pounded against his bedroom window. the thunder had started getting louder and louder as it got closer. cracks of lighting would occasionally illuminate the room.

it had been about thirty minutes since the storm started, a huge bolt of lightning lit up the room, and outside just as bright as the sun. the room turned pitch black seconds after, signalling that the power had just gone out. "ah shit" i said quietly to myself. i debated whether or not to wake gus to tell him. i decided against it, i checked the time and it was almost 5, the sun would be up soon anyways.

my eyelids were heavy as i blinked slowly, i was starting to lose my battle against the urge to fall asleep. i slouched over awkwardly onto some pillows, getting myself almost comfortable. i'm surprised gus hasn't woken up, the storm outside is incredibly loud.

i finally let myself fall asleep, i tried to get as comfortable as i could with gus on my legs but i was too tired to care that much, falling asleep basically sitting straight up.

gus and i had a strange relationship, we hardly knew each other but here we were, asleep in the same bed once again and i was the one he chose to call when he was sad and alone tonight. it was a natural dynamic but things felt like they were happening oddly fast but also seemed slow at the same time.

i knew i wanted him the moment i saw him that night, but i had no idea what he actually thought of me. was i just a drunken booty call to him or what? it just seemed odd that he reached out to me out of all people, i didn't mind though. i knew i cared about gus already and i'd be there if he needed me.

a/n
sorry this chapter a lil short

if ur here from vacancy screams from my bedroom door— did y'all like the lil questions at the end of chapters? thought it was kinda a fun lil way to interact w everyone