christian dior | lil peep

12. "ex girlfriend"

"get out of my fucking head!" i yelled into my pillow. i blocked him, i told him to fuck off, i said every single mean and nasty thought i had about him to the wall, i got it all out of my system but i could not get gustav elijah åhr out of my god damn mind.

the memories haunted me, all of the shitty things he had done to me were overrun by all of the happy images i still had of us and all of the love we had for each other. "repeat after me" addison told me, "i don't need him" she said "i don't need him" i repeated "he's a piece of shit" she said "he's a piece of shit" i repeated "i deserve better" she said "i deserve better" i repeated.

i don't understand it, why did i miss him? why did i want to go back 3 days and act like this never happened?  "i have an interview today, can i trust you here alone with your phone?" addison asked me, raising an eyebrow. "yes, he's blocked. i hate him and i want nothing to do with him" i told her, that was true. i didn't wanna talk to him. i was done with him, i just couldn't get the old memories out of my brain.

"okay text me if you want anything, i'll bring it home. mwah" addison said, walking out the door. addison had been really good to me throughout this whole stupid thing, tracy had also checked in on me a few times which was nice of him. it was a little hard considering the association i had of him with gus, but he was also just nice and meant no harm.

"i kinda feel like making that boy regret his whole life" i said to myself, walking to the closet. i pulled out a mostly sheer white lacy corset top, was it basically lingerie? yes. did it make me look hot? yes. i paired it with a pair of high waisted black shorts and a plain black belt with a silver buckle.

i put some loose curls in my dark hair, letting it fall over my shoulders. i kept my makeup simple with mascara, eyebrows, gloss, blush and highlighter. i didn't need to dress up for anyone, i could just be hot for the sake of it. i pulled out my phone to take a few pictures for instagram.

i had hardly had a chance to open the camera app when it started ringing. 'st. john's hospital' read the caller id. what the hell? "hello?" i answered, "is this miss robinson?" the man on the other end of the phone asked "yes it is, what's this about?" i asked. "we have a gustav åhr here. you were his emergency phone contact, he's asking for you, said you were his girlfriend " he told me. "ex girlfriend" i corrected, "what's wrong with him?" i asked. "unfortunately i can't disclose that over the phone, if you want to come in we can update you. he's in rough shape" he told me. "oh, okay. maybe. thanks, bye" i said and hung up.

what the fuck? how hard did he hit his head to still think we're together? i debated for a while if i wanted to go, did i really have a choice? they did call me directly. i guess i could go, just to see. it was a public hospital i could leave whenever. "fucks sake" i said, grabbing my keys. i can literally feel my brain leaving my head as i do this.

i got in the car, driving to the hospital. "i'm only here to check in, you still hate him" i reminded myself. i walked to the main desk, there was a blonde lady in green scrubs on the phone. she help up her finger to signal 'one minute'. "how can i help you?" she asked, hanging up the phone. "i'm here for gustav åhr?" i said, not actually quite sure what i was doing here. "can i see an id?" she asked, i handed her my drivers license "thank you miss robinson, they're waiting for you on floor 8, room 825" she said. i took the elevator to the 8th floor, following the signs to the correct room.

gus was asleep in the hospital bed, the ekg machine beeping steadily beside him. he looked like shit, to put it honestly. he was bloody and bandaged and bruised, various ivs and monitors attached to him. the nurse stood up from her stool, "i'm assuming you're kennedy?" she asked, "that's me" i told her. "gus has been asking for you" she told me. i forced a smile. "patient suffered multiple traumas, concussion, 3 broken ribs causing a lung puncture. multiple wounds." she read off her chart. jesus christ, what had he gotten himself into? "oh god, what happened?" i asked the nurse. "patient is considered an assault victim but has refused police involvement. he was lucky to come in when he did, he was basically left for dead" she told me, then left for her next room rotation.

i sat in the crappy visitor chair, waiting for gustav to wake up. i guess he had heard the commotion as he started to wake up a few minutes later. "kennedy?" he blinked, as if he couldn't believe i was in front  of him. "why am i here, could you not have called tracy or something?" i asked, not really enthused by the situation. "he hates my guts right now, over you" he said. i nodded, good on him. "what happened to you?" i asked him, "a guy fronted me, forgot i owed him money. here i am" he said. "oh" i said, emotionless. "thanks for coming" he said "no problem, but like why am i here? can i do something for you?" i asked, he had to have asked me here for a reason.

"i don't have anyone else kennedy. i know you hate me but you're the only one i have left" he said. i hate to say it, but i did feel kind of bad. "i'll probably be here for a few more days, but they said i shouldn't be on my own when i'm back home" he said, "ken cam you please stay with me, i'll do anything for you. again, i'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. i haven't been the same since you left me" gus said.

"fine" i decided, "but i'm not your girlfriend again, i'm only here to make sure you don't die or something" i said. "thank you, i know you don't feel the same but i love you" gus said. "okay" i said. "do i have to stay here till you go home?" i asked, i really hoped i didn't have to spend 2 nights in a hospital. "you don't have to, but i'd appreciate it" he said. "why would i ever owe you a favour?" i asked. "you don't, i just miss you. i wanna make things right" he said. "i'll think about it" i told him.

a/n

yeehaw they back again

chapter question: what's ur fav genre of tv/movies ? i like horror / true crime