Just A Bit Closer (Book Two)

In Which It Gets Extremely Warm

{Cas's POV}

I gasped in surprise as Dean's lips collided with mine. But a moment later, I started to kiss back. I missed you, he had said. I almost cried tears of joy. He didn't hate me. He- he understood.

I pulled away and hiccuped a laugh. "You're- you're not mad?"

He scowled. "No. I'm furious." My smile fell. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I- I thought you'd ma- make me le- leave. I didn't wa- want to go."

He brushed his knuckles from my jaw to my cheekbone and down again. "I don't want you to go either."

"But-"

"I just wish you told me before. I feel so stupid for not knowing. For not acting on my feelings before. How hard was this for you?"

"Worse than purgatory. Or the civil wars. Or you as a demon. Put together," I replied.

"Oh, Cas," Dean sighed. He stopped moving his hand and started to stroke my cheek with his thumb. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Why? What could you have ever done that would warrant an apology? Especially after what I did."

His hands moved to my shoulders and started to roam down my back. "I was stupid."

"Like I've never been stupid?" I asked, melting in his touch.

I felt his hands untucked the back of my shirt and his rough skin tickled my hips. "Oh, you've been pretty stupid. Very, very stupid." And he pulled me closer.

"Is it getting hot in here?" I asked, suddenly extremely warm.

"I think it's just you. But here." He slid my trench coat off my shoulders and it cascaded to the ground in a heap. And then my black jacket joined it. "Better?"

The corner of my mouth twitched up and I studied him for a moment. "Almost." And I started to unbutton his flannel, revealing a black T-shirt underneath.

A mental image came to me all at once. Dean leaning against the Impala door in a simple black T-shirt and black Chuck Taylor's, aviator glasses resting on the bridge of his nose.

I gasped and my hand caught Dean's chest. I took short, labored breaths and tried to blink the past away.

"Cas? Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Just- just some unwanted memories." I looked up at the man in front of me, his shirt undone, his hair a mess. I loosened my tie, taking a few more breaths.

"All good?"

"Yeah. All good," I said with a smile.

"Cas," Dean hummed, drawing me into his arms. "Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yes, Dean." I buried my face in his shoulder, inhaling the leathery scent of his shirt. He started tracing patterns on my back. And we stood like that, just standing, quiet, still.

Until, "Hey, Cas?"

"Mmm?"

"Did you love me?"

I pulled away from his embrace and my jaw dropped. "How can you ask that? Of course I did! Dean, I loved you so much. I still do. I've never stopped. I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you and I'll love you until I die."

"But, if you loved me, how could you erase all my memories? All of your memories? Was it not good enough? Did you need some different life? A bigger, better one? Cas, let me understand."

"It was suppose to be better than this. We were all supposed to be happy. We weren't supposed to be like this. Crowley was supposed to be human. We were supposed to win."

Dean grabbed my hands. "But what about us? What was supposed to happen to us, Cas?"

"I. Don't. Know." And the tears had returned. "I'm sorry. I don't know."

We were quiet for a moment, maybe thinking about our old lives, maybe lives we never lived. Then, in a hushed voice, "We were going to get married. I was going to ask you after we started college. I was going to surprise you." Dean's mouth formed a perfect O, but I had to finish. "I found us an apartment, I never got to tell you that. And we were going to get me a new car. A classic, you said. But I was looking for a ring. I didn't tell you. You would have said yes, wouldn't you?" He nodded sadly. "We were going to be so happy. But I ruined everything!" Hot, angry tears fell on my cheeks, and when Dean pulled me against him again, on his shoulder too.

"We can still be happy. Just because we have different lives doesn't mean we can't make the best of it. Cas, I love you. Everything is going to be okay."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and calmed down. When I let go, Dean pulled me until I was just centimeters from his face. "Come on," he cooed, "just a bit closer."

I obliged.