The Queerest [🗸]

my day with riya khatri

***

D*KE.

All of the letters are spelled out in red. Written onto my locker in a deep cherry Sharpie, essentially un-erasable. It's clear it's one of those fat Sharpies too, meaning it's harder to scrub away.

Shouldn't matter when I used that word to describe myself about a week ago. Still, standing in front of my locker, where the slur has been irrevocably drawn on, it still affects me, still causes that cutting feeling to slice through my chest.

Ideally, I'm supposed to be walking on Cloud Nine because I kissed Riya Khatri. Spent months just observing her, and then I finally kissed her that day, and she kissed me back. 

And I was walking on cloud nine until I made my way into the school doors and up to my locker, seeing the word drawn onto it. Whoever's behind it is likely behind The Unfuckables list, and they're likely not about to stop too.

Uncomfortable heat rises to my face as people walk by my locker, and I attempt to use my torso to block the word that's written onto it.

People still see it, though. People still exchange glasses, still point. I let my hair fall in front of my face as I try to rummage through my locker for my supplies. Don't look back, Evelyn. Don't look back.

Before I can finish unloading all my supplies, I hear shoes come to a stop before a voice rises to the atmosphere. "Might wanna clean that up."

Turning around, I exhale, my eyes flicking over to said person, who of course happens to be Ella McConnell. 

Her hair's pulled into a ponytail, arms crossed over her chest as her eyes flick between my locker and I. There's a faint arrogance teasing at her lips, but it's practically overwhelmed by the staggering coldness in her eyes.

I almost want to laugh, ask her if this is a joke, ask her if trying to make my life living hell is really worth it. But I don't. I don't ask her anything, because even before my eyes meet her glacier-esque ones, I know it's her who did it.

Possibly not her alone, but there's no way she wasn't involved. I think it's the lack of emotion on her features that not only startles the shit out of me, but signifies that.