1814

twenty four

Eloise fixed my makeup while James went downstairs to greet his parents. Once I was ready, I took a few deep breaths and braced myself to go downstairs and join them in the parlour. They sat around a table, James on one side with a spare seat next to him and his mother opposite, drinking tea and eating pastries.

"Mrs Penbrooke!" I exclaimed from behind her, hurriedly walking in, to which I could clearly see James's disappointed face. She turned around excitedly and got up out of her seat taking me into a tight embrace, skipping formalities because we were family now. I returned the embrace tightly, because she was a lovely woman. She cared for James so much, and her love for him and his father was out of this world.

I felt so guilty as she was still mourning his grace, but put in the effort to see us anyway. The least we could do was give us hope for our future, but part of me thinks it's worse if we tell her a white lie. It would come across as pity, which is the last thing I would want if I were her. So yes, part of me felt very guilty for agreeing to James's little 'plan'.

We both returned to our seats and James and I shared an awkward semi smile, which probably gave us away. I honestly wouldn't be surprised, we looked like hell.

"so how have you two been getting along?" she asked, placing a napkin over her lap and sipping on her tea. I smiled at James as an indication for him to be the one to answer a question. He looked back at me stone faced, but turned back to his mother smiling again. "wonderfully, we've adjusted to our new home perfectly mother." he replied, not eating anything, but fidgeting with the rings on his fingers. That's what he does when he's distracted or thinking about something, which I wish I didn't know because now I was on edge.

"I knew you would." she said, smiling and wagging her index finger in the air. And I couldn't help but smile at her confidence and comfort. James let out a small chuckle as well. "and how are you James, handling being the Duke of Kent well?" she added, taking a bite of her scone. He raised his eyebrows and and smiled from the corner of his mouth, before scratching his cheek. "loads of paperwork, I honestly don't know how father did it." he answered.

Mrs Penbrooke's smile faded, not completely, but enough to tell us that even the mention of his name hurt her. She wasn't fully healed, and even James's smile sunk a bit. However, she looked back up again and took her sons hand in hers, "I don't know either, but he did. He also looked after his wife and raised a child who evidently seemed to show how good of a job he did. And I just know that because of his work, you will be the exact same good man as he was James." she told him, as a tear fell down her cheek. Though she laughed it off, and dabbed it with a handkerchief.

James must have thought on her words because for the rest of the discussion, he seemed to be quite distant. And when it was time for Miss Penbrooke to leave, after our goodbyes, and pretend waves with his arm around my waist, as soon as she was out of sight we separated ourselves as if we were oil and vinegar. He marched back inside leaving me out, and headed straight up the stairs not once turning back.

I ran to catch up with him and stood at the bottom. "James!" i exclaimed, making my way up. He hesitated before slowly turning around, with his eyebrows raised as if to make an annoyed expression become of his face. Seeing that i got the impression that he clearly didn't want to talk to me, so i decided to leave it alone longer. My lip quivered, but through it i forced a small smile. "That was lovely." i said, gripping onto the wooden bannister to try and stop myself from crying. "Agreed, you did well Diana. I'm sorry you had to lie." He said, with a twitch in his mouth, suggesting that maybe he was also on the verge of crying.

All i did was nod in return and bite my bottom lip, before slowly turning away and leaving him do do whatever he needed to do on his own. I couldn't hear him turn away for a while after i left, he seemed to have just watched me leave, pondering whether to continue loving me or not. There they are again, my intrusive thoughts suffocating my mind and clouding my judgement.

I skipped dinner and lay awake for the rest of the night, making myself feel worse to the point where i would have literally been fine with chloroform being put over my mouth and nose just so that i could get some sleep. As i lay there looking up at the ceiling, i heard a subtle knock at my door. All the maids and butlers were asleep and they weren't allowed to knock on our doors a night unless of an emergency, so it could either be that or the only other person it could be was James.

I jumped right out of bed and slid my feet into my slippers while tying my robe around my waist. I opened the door quickly and came face to face with, like i thought, James. "James?" I asked. He let himself in and closed the door behind him and sat down in the same chair when i told him about everything in the first place. He rested his chin on his knuckles again and his leg bopped up and down, "why didn't you go through?" he asked in a stern voice, not looking at me once. "Why didn't i go through what?", "the portal Diana! What stopped you from going through it, if the only thing you've wanted throughout this whole time was to go back home?" he replied, shouting from frustration and standing up.

I jumped back a bit from the tone of his voice, and began to cry. I tried to delay my answer and look at him for a bit longer, wondering why he felt the need to raise his voice at me. His eyebrows were raised and the area surrounding his eyes were wet, probably from crying as well. I slowly walked up to him and cradled his face with my hand, however he took my wrist, not harshly, but placed back by my side. His resistance to my affection made it even harder for me to see a light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

"you."

I replied, while my eyes flickered and nose ran. He nodded and laughed from shock, "me?" he asked again. "yes, you James. The sound of YOUR voice behind me, pulled me out of the trance and reminded me of the reason i was here.

you're my home, you always have been."

I put my hand back up to his cheek. "I'm never going back there again." i added. A tear fell from his eye and he sniffled, "don't leave me Diana." he cried. "seeing that portal and you're hand stretched out to it scared the life out of me. If i hadn't have gotten to you sooner, you would have left me. The thought of never seeing you again almost killed me, and i never want to have to feel like that again. I love you too much" he added, holding my face. "I promise James, i will never leave you." I replied.

He passionately kissed me and pulled me closer to him as if we were magnets. I was lifted off the ground and placed on the bed before being pulled in again to his embrace. We made love throughout the night and didn't stop to take even one breath because we'd had enough time apart from each other that we didn't anymore.