Love

I'll Go When it's Time

"I told you to go to club." She said as her son placed the fresh bouquet of roses filled with asters. I've lived long enough to see people mourn over their loved ones. Maybe too long enough...

"Club...I forgot." Xavier said as he brushed his bangs over and reached out for his mother's hand. Xavier always held his phone in his hand or stuffed it in his pocket, sometimes he would just sit by her and play games, avoiding the questions she asked about his school life. 

"Xavier, come by my office after the visit okay?" I called and headed out to the office. What would you do in this kind of situation?

'You can't keep dwelling on the past you know!' saying those with such a narcissist smile; in the end, you left me without a word.

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Working myself to death, earning money for my living expenses. My past has been forgiven, but...as we keep walking and walking on the path we choose in life, we're faced with 'common sense' created by the majority and eventually lose ourselves.

The seasons have passed yet my hands are dry, and there you were...all I beg is for you to not hate me. 

You can dislike me, but don't hate me. 

"Doctor?" A voice called, and how I wished it was yours.

"Xavier, come sit." I gestured the high school boy to an empty seat and he sat down with his head down.

"About your mother-"

"Doc..." before I could finish my sentence he reached out his hand to the hanged coat of white, "if this was all just a story, fantasy game or anime...i-it'd be g-great right...?" 

Living in the present but still stuck in the past.

"Yeah..." I leaned back on my chair and dropped the papers.

"It'd be awesome."

We both know how this was going to end, at that point, I felt like doing something impressive. 

"Spend more time with her while you can, I'll see you out." I patted his frail shoulders while he tried to press down his tears. Leaving him alone I headed to the counter and asked them to transfer some amount to their charges.

"That's rare of you." the nurse asked.

"Maybe." 

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I'm still living in the present...and you're still not coming back. I wonder where did it all go wrong, from just curiosity to friendship, the days turned to years and we spent our time joyfully. Was it just me who thought we were happy?
Did you even take off your mask back then?
Why did you even call out to me that day?

If you didn't, I wouldn't be here right now. Right, I'd be 8 feet under the ground in a 6 feet bed. But why are you there instead of me? I lighted my cigar and placed the tea box on your bed.

"Your favorite tea and here." I handed her a bunch of Lilies, you said you didn't have a favorite flower, but I think lilies would suit you the most. Or maybe the hyacinths in my backyard. I sat down beside you and untied my hair.

"Great, this is all your fault I'm growing out my hair again." if you were here you'd say you loved playing with my hair and braiding it. 

How many years has it been? 5? Maybe 7 at most.

"I still miss the way you're straight forward and not shy to say anything, but then..."

You changed.