Love

Daisy

The relationship we had wasn't bad, nor was it sweet. She did her part as a responsible wife and I fulfilled my duty from the papers. That was all it was to it. With our everyday peaceful life, we had moments of joy and we barely fight. But nothing lasts forever. 

Soon, I got tired of the daily life we spent, I got tired of how much we kept secrets from each other and never try to even open up. Why did we even get married in the first place?

If things were heading this way, it's better to end it sooner than later. Just a day after I offered the divorce papers, she signed it. Of course, things are going this way. After that we met our parents and apologized.

"What did you do to make him divorce you?" I was shocked at her mother's question. What did she do? Why was she blamed while I was the one who suggested the divorce?

"It just...happened mom. Things weren't bad-"

"Then why?" She looked away and I stepped in to defend her.

"Like she said, I offered it, it doesn't mean she's the one to blame, she didn't do anything. We just...got tired and it just happened." I explained, but I didn't expect them to turn a blind eye to my explanation.

"Pack your stuff and leave, I'll give you 3 months' worth of money. Don't come back here, disgraceful." her mother said, she just nodded.

But why?

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Probably the reason was simple, too simple that they became hard to explain. Or rather it was me who didn't speak up for myself and followed their decisions like I always did. Thinking it was not bad, not bad and I ended up here. 

Maybe because it's not bad, it all ended like this.

I spent the first month with a close friend, she told me I could come over anytime I needed help and I agreed to it, but it'd be troublesome if I stayed any longer. Before I left, I lost my footing and fell hard on the ground. My head went fuzzy and I could barely make out the voice of my friend. 

Soon after I was discharged from the hospital, I told my friend not to tell my parents. I swore never to go back to that place.

I keep blaming myself for what happened that day, if only I had the confidence to speak up and argue back, I wouldn't be tiring myself out in a restaurant. I used to talk back to my parents, but it always ended up useless even if I'm right, in the end of the day I decided not to say anything.

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"I still don't get why you agreed to divorce him." Zoey handed me a cup of milk as she rubbed my belly.

"I mean, he wasn't bad." she added as she looked down on a new life.

"I realized that 'not bad' isn't enough to love someone. And...I don't regret it." If I stayed there with him, this child in my body wouldn't have received the true warmth of a family.

"What are you gonna name her?" she asked. 

"You can name her. I mean after all you did for me it's natural right?" I smiled at her as the white curtains swirled through the room.

"You know, sometimes I don't understand you. You're barely greedy even when it comes to things you really want. You've always been like that..." 

I think I understand...

"...maybe...when I see the baby's face!" I laughed, it might not be the best time since my family found out, but I have to defend us this time.

The door slide and my mom came in. As always she wore a pearl necklace and wore a serious face. She was the only family I had after dad passed away 2 years ago. I wonder what face he'd make if he saw me in a wedding dress, and what kind o sweet words he'd say.