Love

From a Screen

It's strange how nothing in the world you live in makes you feel full inside, though it was supposed to be created in a way where the people living in it are sentenced to feel love, sadness, anger, warmth and other emotions. Strangely enough, I've felt them all.

But it's not right.

I didn't know what was wrong with me from the start so I kept ignoring the seeds of it, slowly it crept over me, started to cling me down, and later I found myself in a make-shift garden where I locked all the ugly emotions away...right in that little garden. It's all safe in there, since no one has the key to it. 

There was a classmate who was always alone, but despite sitting in the corner with his earphones, he looked full. As if he didn't mind the shunning and constant insults which came his way and only focused on the world he filled with pretty emotions. 

A part of me wanted to be like that...carefree and...inside my chest...I don't want this emptiness.
I don't need it.

I wanted to be like him so I reached out to him, despite having people glare at him and teachers pressuring, he seems fine with everything. As if...he had an escape from his garden.

"Hey, (____) right?" Huh...that's strange...why can't I remember his name? I'm sure I met him in my classroom...

"Yeah...?" If I were to recall...what did his face look like...? I can't remember that much of him. But what I do remember is that the feeling I reached out to him wasn't curiosity but something he told me...what was it again...?

I can't remember what we talked about either...just...the screen flashes before my eyes, revealing characters enjoying their high school life to the fullest. 

"Isn't it strange just how a drawing or animation makes you feel things you never thought that was in reality?" 

Ah. So that was where he got the colorful flowers from...
It all came from a screen. 
From a manga...

But I couldn't understand how he could enjoy a small amount of entertainment they give and turn them into blooming sunflowers in his garden. I could tell, there were roses too. But if he were to pluck out one and expose it outside, it would wilt in a second.

That I could understand, but then why is my garden filled with petunias and pine trees?

Slowly but surely, he plucked the weeds and planted new seeds. 

"This is a newly released one...you wanna watch it together?"

"(____) you never get tired of anime, don't cha?" 

"Y-you like them too!"

"Pfftt haha...I love them..."

And it's all your fault.
Or was it mine...?
I don't know anymore...

----------------------

It was a sudden burst of rainbows, holding your hand and trying to figure out these feelings bit by bit. I knew for sure it wasn't romance, not close from that but also not too far from that. I didn't dislike the new things you showed me and taught me. 

Especially when you were the one who kicked down the door. But I can't forgive you, the you who was smiling without a care, the you who held my hand and planted new flowers in my garden...for you to disappear from my world like that...is unforgiveable. 

"You know...I'm glad I got a friend like you. We're both each other's firsts right?" 

I could've stopped him back then. I could've ran and held him tight and shouted that I needed him...needed...? No...
I wanted him in my world.

"Yeah...that's why...let's-"

"(____)!!" 

[ A dead body of a high school boy was found on the streets of (____)...he was from the prestigious academy named "Baron's Garden", unfortunately, the case was closed with the young student committing to his death. 
His name was...]

"Felix."

The screen of the television suddenly became blurry as I slumped to my knees, hoping it wasn't true, hoping that the scenario I talked with him was all a dream. But reality...is often disappointing.

"You were asleep for some time...how are you feeling?" 

How am I feeling? 
How am I feeling?

Is that even a question? Or a joke? What's that flower...it's a small, white flower in one pot right in front of me...an anemone...? Then...

It was all real...

"Felix...w-where..." I reached out to her sleeve, the flowers...they're withering...I have to do something...at this rate...

"I'm sorry..."

He'll wither from my garden...

--------------------

At some point, people move on, but here I am, still watering the bud you sprouted from, into my life and so on. 

"I kept up with the anime and stuff, it really is strange...just how much it lights your life up huh...it's just from a screen so why...?" 

You might know the answer. 
But you're not here anymore.

You might know why I can't forget you and kept connecting the garden to other people, just in order to fill myself again...
But you're gone....

Why did you leave...? 

"Why...didn't you take me too?" 

Deep down, I know this isn't right, but what I've been through wasn't right either. So it's even right? If I'm all messed up from the start then I don't mind going deeper and further into the mud. 

Sooner or later I know my garden...is going to be a swamp...

But the warm roses and sunflowers I feel...can be only granted from a screen, maybe that's why you seemed so peaceful when I first met you. 
And like how you slightly looked peaceful when I last saw you too...

All the 'happiness' and 'emotions'...came from a screen...

{The End of "From a Screen"} 

<OKAY! So to be exact, anime doesn't actually make you this depressed and grows obsessions in you, just a lil bit of simping and loving people who gave you warmth through a screen, or manga(though they don't exist, WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT HERE) 
This was just for story material ,since I've been in a small phase of this main character and what she's been through with her emotions. So don't go hating on otakus, weebs and anime lovers. Or even anime, cuz if you do...
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I will find you...and I will force you to watch a series of Demetria anime with me along with seasons of Attack on Titan, Banana Fish, Violet Evergarden, Your Lie in April, Fruits Basket, Wonder Egg Priority and so on-

If I'm being honest, I pretty much like how twisted this one-shot was.
Have a great day/night though!>