(Yow guys I was about to sleep but there's an idea begin to pop in my mind, I'm literally asking WHAT IF?! time travel is real God I'm crazy. Then suddenly I start to think michael, yes I will try to push this story I'll try to make this so long. Guys just enjoy this one)
(Joanna's pov)
I was a normal girl who live in philippines, I have three siblings my mother aren't here with us she's working in manila and my father the only one with us. We're still in the middle of this pandemic I really fucking hate it so much cause my father don't even let me go outside our house to get vitamin C from the sun light.
This really killing me what I always doing everyday is wake up, eat, module, cellphone, sleep, wake up yeah I really want to get out of this house but I can't. Sometimes my sister and I will talk but sometimes I will spend my whole day laying, editing a video and posting a new post to my fan accounts.
Yes I have many Idols but there's one person who I love the most. Michael jackson mhm, I really love him so much I would do anything to bring him back, it's almost 12 years now when michael left the world. I love all about him, his talents, his shyness, his cuteness God and his so handsome I wonder why others saying that his ugly, it really hurts my feelings when I hear or read shits about him.
Well my mother love him, she loves his music but she believes that michael bleached his skin but she knows that Mike have a vitiligo but she still believes that he bleached his skin, but I always defend him even sometimes we will argue about it. While my father love his music too, my older sister and I can see our childhood at him being physically abused by our father, we have a tough childhood like him.
But I'm the only one who really love all of him, I will sacrifice all of me just to bring him back. I have a fan accounts on social media for now I just want his legacy to never be forgotten and spread love thats what michael want for this world, all he just did is to try to make this world a better place. And that is one reason why I love him so much
I was in my room watching vlog on YouTube, one of my favourite Filipino vlogger Viy Cortez. I love this woman and I love her more when I know that she's a big fan of michael I love her and of course her VERY handsome boyfriend Cong Tv, he's a vlogger too. I love this human beings they're making me laugh every day, including all TEAM PAYAMAN.
I was watching when my annoying sister came into my room with annoying face, I just roll my eyes and continue watching.
"hey ate joanna why are you trapping yourself in your room, you always lock the door, switch off the lights. You already had an anxiety I think you need a company"(ate means sister in our country, we saying it for respect to our elder sister)
"no, I don't need anyones company, I'm happy being alone watching all by my self" I scoff not looking at her.
"come on, all you do all day is watch TV, cellphone, sleep and you don't even go out to eat a food. What is wrong with you? Do you want me to go in Michael's grave pull him out take here for you to eat?" she joked while laughing.
I look at her this time giving her angry look."shut your fucking mouth, don't mind me mind your own business and please leave me alone. If I want someone here it's only michael" I said sarcastically, she laugh at me again.
"yeah don't worry your husband will be here tommorow morning, when you will open your eyes he's the one you'll see first" she said in scary tone.
"mhm I love your thoughts sometimes but please leave me alone i want to be alone" I said
"mmm k then, just make sure to eat I don't want to lose my favourite sister" she smiled and I smiled back at her
"k, I would love to die so that I will be with michael" I said then laughed
"eh shut up you crazy fool, go back and watch. Bye bitch"
"bye cow" I said she laughed and closed the door, I continued to watch.
2 hours later, there's another knock at my door I groaned and say 'come in' then the door swing open and I saw my father.
He open the light and I groaned in frustration cause I don't like the light being opened my eyes hurts, he always do that when he'll come in my room.
"what do you want?" I ask not looking at him
"I want you to eat, it's more than a week you didn't eat anything" he said angrily with a hint of concern
"I'm not hungry" I said basically, I'm not really hungry and I don't know why either, I thought because of my anxiety.
"do you want to die young?!" he shouts at me
"yes I do!" I shouts back I'm not afraid at him anymore I gain much confidence to fight him, and little did he know that he's one of the reason why I have anxiety
"I do love to die, so that I can feel better not to be hurt by anyone!" I continued a tear slipped in my eyes, he just look at me then turn around turn off the light then closed the door. I throw my face at my pillow then scream.
"I hate my life!!! I want to be dead!!!" I screamed while crying "I wish michael was here I wish that he's here with me to comfort me!" I continued still crying so hard.
Then I heard soft knock from my door.
"come in" I said trying not to cry but sobbing, I saw my little brother came in then walks towards me i smile at him, he sat beside me and hugged me.
"ate please stop crying, I don't want to see you like this please?" I smiled at him and hug him tight
"I need this baby so that my anxiety will not attack me"
"ate joanna please eat something look your scholar bone is so deep" he said I laughed this time he always made me smile and laugh when I was crying.
"it's collar bone baby, and I will eat later for you" I said while poking his nose. He give me a kiss on lips
"you should be or else I will be mad at you" he said pouting. I smile again
"yes sir I will eat something" I said while I salute at him he giggled at me.
"good"
"k go to your room, lock the door ok" I said then he gives me a last peck on lips then run towards the door and lock it.
I sigh heavy, I get up and open my drawer I pick my blade then sat back at my bed. I draw a line in my arms cutting it deep, then starts bleeding then I did it again and again and again until its all over my arms. I start doing this when I was first year high school.
My father always beating us and calling us, stupid, dumb and many disgusting names, it traumatised me that's why until now I'm doing this to calm my self.
When I'm done I get a clean white towel I deep it in cold water with alcohol and dump it in my bleeding arm, when I'm done cleaning it I removed my shirt and put a jacket slowly so that my arm will not bleed again.
I'm not eating, again, I lost so much weight, now my body curved and my stomach is flat, not just like in the past months I'm over weight and now I don't know if I will be safe if a strong wind will blow.
I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling then closed my eyes then drifted to sleep. Wishing that tomorrow will be a good day.
