forty-two: you're scared of what would happen.

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"Are you sure you can't fly back with us?" I ask Isa as I sit down next to her in my childhood bedroom. I'm packing to fly back home tomorrow, and then the new year is on Saturday. Being home is always fun but L.A. is slowly growing more and more on me. I get giddy of just the thought of going back.

"Nope, I promised Mark and mom I'd stay home." She says, putting down her phone. Her step-dad loves when she comes back home so he takes full advantage of it. I don't think she was in a hurry to get back though. "Why don't you just stay? Em, me and you in her penthouse. It'll be fun, we get drunk, watch the ball drop, eat copious amounts of hot chips. Maybe play a drunk game of uno."

"I wish I could. A drunk game of uno sounds like heaven. But I feel like actually spending new years with my friends might be more fun. Just wish Nate would come." She tenses up at the sound of his name but lets me finish. "For a week, he was thinking about it. But he said something about how being in New York would be good nostalgia or something."

"That's so weird. I don't know, I guess people just really like spending it with their families." She says, going back to scrolling on her phone. She tries to act uninterested but I think something about the conversation peaked her interest. 

"Yeah, but that means no New Years kisses for me. That's the main reason I even have a boyfriend, right?" I pout. She throws a pillow at me, "Me either, stop pouting."

I laugh, "Yeah, just wanted to make you feel bad. If you got a boyfriend, maybe we could do double dates, even New Years kisses. "

"I would but I have no time. Plus boys from both sides of the country are grimy, you just got lucky."

"Yeah, I guess I did." I say, laying my head on her shoulder.


I miss spending time with her.


*


"Be honest with me, what's actually going on with you and Zach?" Nezza asks as I scoop another spoon of ice cream into my mouth.

Nezza, Franny, and AnnMarie decided that we all needed a girl's night, so we are sitting on the floor of Franny and AnnMarie's apartment eating huge amounts of junk food. AM is painting Nezza's nails as music plays in the back. I slightly hum, knowing some but not all the words to the beach bunny song playing.


"You said this wouldn't hurt,
Give me cavities,
And all of your apologies are only empty calories"


"I'm with her 24/7 and even I don't know." Emerson says as Franny braids her hair.

"Nothing, we are just best friends, that's all." I say into my carton, scraping at the sides with my spoon. It's a soupy mess at this point but I still act like it's enjoyable.

AnnMarie scoffs, "and I can fly to mars. Tell us actually."

I sigh, putting down my carton, "I love Nate, right? Great guy, star athlete, easy on the eyes." This earns an "Eh." from Emerson's direction, but I continue. "Zach and I can't be anything more than friends because of Nate, I owe him respect. I can't give up on Nate and I's relationship just because something new is added. Plus, Zach would never feel the same way for me. So as for right now, as I am still dating Nate, we are just best friends."

"Girl, are you blind because-" Nezza starts speaking but is cut off by Ann Marie's hand flying over her face.

"I hate to put it this way but what if Nate was out of the picture?" Franny says, tying up Emerson's braids.

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