sixty-eight: it was going to be a surprise.

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The days leading up to my flight are probably the slowest 192 hours I've ever had to endure. After texting Emerson, I received an ear-piercing scream phone call about how excited she was, which just twisted my stomach more.


God, I've never had my stomach twist so much until I met Zach, and now everything relating to him makes me knot in both good and bad ways.


Not only was the wait up to the flight horrendous, but the flight itself took me out. I was stuck in a middle seat between some sort of startup CEO who is terrible at his job and an "18 month old" child who continued to scream for 4 hours at the top of her lungs. If I decided to tune out the baby, I got stuck with how "more than half the company won't hit quota" and "how HR would have a field day with his relationship with his intern." But the thoughts of all of that fade away the second I hear the first note of Eben's voice as he begins to open the show.


As of right now, I'm standing in the pit with possibly the clammiest hands I've ever had in my life as Emerson links my arm. She's been coming to shows on and off ever since the tour started, but today, she refused to stay backstage and insists on standing with me. The longer Eben's set goes on, the more my body fights the urge to run straight to the door. I know in a few minutes, Zach is going to pop up on the stage, and I'll have to resist trying to not jump up on the stage and kiss him till he's lightheaded.

I shake my thoughts as I start to sing along to one of my closest friend's music. I've always been a fan of E's music; I think I liked his music even more than the bands at one point. Whenever I would come over and cook for the group, he'd sit with me and just sing. Whenever he was contemplating a new song idea, I was the first he'd call. It's weird the amount of distance between us now, with all the boys for that matter. I spent every waking moment with them to only get 5 minute long calls because I was scared.

I realized I was spacing again because Emerson tapped me on the shoulder, looking at me, concerned. The crowds buzzing with excitement which means Eben probably got off stage a few minutes ago.

"Are you okay?" She asks, pushing some hair of mine behind my shoulder.

"Fine, just super nervous." I reply, squeezing her forearm.

She breaks out in a grin, "Well, don't pee your pants before we see your future husband-" But she's cut off by the sound of familiar boops at the beginning of one of my favorite songs.


"Oh, she talks so sweet, like sugar, like candy

Makes me wanna be the best man that I can be

I like that she keeps things oh-so simple

Less stress, more uh, if she got the dimples."


And there he is. Zach has that smile that makes my knees almost give out on me from how hard I'm swooning. It feels so close to deja vu, but it's not quite there yet. This song played in my headphones the very first time we met that started this entire mess of what has to come to be Zach and I's relationship. His eyes are closed as he sings into the mic. I'm entranced with everything this boy does, but his stage presence, PHEW.

The song continues, and I sing along. I try to focus on the other boys, but my eyes draw to Zach, just watching him intake the crowd like it's a drug of adrenaline. They play two more songs that I scream too, trying my best to enjoy my time at the concert without letting my intestines tangle anymore.

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