HAPPY SONG ~Tamino~ ✓

Silly Me

The phone kept ringing but I wasn't feeling like answering. I didn't wanna talk to anyone. I was sitting on the floor starring at an empty wall across from me, letting the tears run down like a sad river.

A knock on the door brought me back to reality, I had no idea how much time I had spent sitting there on the wooden floor. I was hoping I'd open the door and that somehow she'd be there. I'd forgive her all of the lies, I'd forgive her everything.. Cause the hours seemed longer since the time she left, and I didn't know I needed her until I broke her heart. I had promised I wouldn't hurt her, yet I damaged her. Perhaps I was the issue. Maybe I was always the issue.

I opened the door and my eyes landed on my brother that looked angry, or worried.. I couldn't really tell. That's when I remembered I had totally forgotten about our plans.

"You're not doing any better.. I see... Why are you crying? Why didn't you come to the city center? I waited for you for almost two hours.." he bombarded me with questions. I swear that's when I understood how Indie probably felt everytime I asked her something and she didn't know how to give me an answer. Perhaps I should play The Little Prince, like she did. I made no sound.

"Tamino.. You need to talk to me. Are you taking any drugs...? What's going on, seriously?" Ramy shouted.

"I don't know how to answer to your questions! Okay?" I shouted back.

"Why did you stop talking to me? We used to talk to each other about everything, anytime... Let it all out, stop torturing yourself brother..." he said in a lower tone.

"I... Just listen to me.. Did you really not see Indie when you visited us..?" I asked right away.

"Not that Indie thing again... There was nobody here except for you, and then you went all angry on me for no reason... It's crazy... I haven't stopped being worried about you since that day."

"Don't call me mad, but she was here... I could see her. I've felt her touch.. I've felt her skin on my fingertips. I've felt her lips on my lips.. She was here I'm telling you. I am the only one who can see her." I quietly spoke, I was sure my brother wasn't going to believe me.

"Tamino.. How do you expect me to believe this and not call you crazy..? I was here that day, you kept talking to someone.. But there was nobody there. I think you need some help from a professional.... It'll be for the best, I promise you."

"I... I sound crazy, but I'm not.. She was here."

"And where is she now then...?" he asked.

"I ruined her.. I think I killed her.."

"What in the world... This keeps getting worse... Did you hurt somebody?" Ramy asked in panic.

"Just listen to me, give me some time to tell you everything... Look, I still have this... How do you explain this?" I said and quickly got her drawing from a drawer. I handed it to him.
"That's her... She drew this for me."

"Are you sure you didn't draw this?"

"I'm not that good at drawing... She drew it, I swear... I still remember it as if it was yesterday."

"Okay.. And why wasn't she here when I visited you...? Why were you talking to the air?" he questioned.

"Don't judge me for the things I'm going to say.. I'll only tell you what she told me.. I still don't know what really happened.. And I'll probably never learn. But, I want to believe she was honest to me. I don't want to think she's a bad person.. I don't want to remember her as a liar, it's easier to blame myself and say I'm the bad person, who didn't give her a second chance. My anger got the best of me."

And with that I told everything I knew to him. Of course he didn't believe me, but there was nothing else to say to him anyway.
Seasons changed and he never stopped telling me to talk to a professional, but that was something that wasn't going to happen. I hadn't lost my mind, not even for a second, when I was with Indie. That was the only thing I knew. She was a person with flesh and bones once, and even though I had no idea where she was anymore, there were times I still thought about her... No matter how much time had passed by.

But there were also times when I did anything I could to get her out of my system. I had dived deep into my music, writing and losing track of time, to keep my brain busy. I knew I could never have her again. There was no point in suffering. And my plan was working, my faith in love was fading away day by day.

My music was the only thing that gave me hope, the only thing that made me wanna wake up in the morning. I gave myself away to it.
Soon enough my notepad was full of sad songs, there were so many of them. It was as if I had forgotten all of the happy, colorful words I once knew. I wasn't angry, or depressed, I just wasn't happy. I was missing my happy song I guess. My one and only happy song, whose words I couldn't exactly remember.
That's the only thing that made me mad.. I was mad at me for letting me forget the lyrics of that one specific song. As I said before, she once told me to memorize all of its words, commas, dots... but, silly me, I had more important things to do when she still was around.. Such as teaching her new things, or making her listen to my favorite songs.
Reading her the books I adore and holding her close. And of course showing her new places, and trust me, there are so many places I wish I could take her to..
But I can't.