A Simple Deception

XIV

"Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally." Abraham Lincoln

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XIV.

Of course, Susanna had known that Alex was once a slave. It was a word of which she knew the definition, but she did not understand. Perhaps she would never fully comprehend the meaning. How could she?

But to hear Alex so simply state that his mother had been owned by someone affected Susanna so shockingly. As she stood on the grounds of her family's estate, in a life that had never known cruelty, in a body that had never experienced judgment, it frightened her deeply to know that there were living, breathing human beings out in the world being possessed as though they were objects.

"I'm sorry," said Alex quietly, turning away from Susanna to look out over the pond. "I don't mean to frighten you."

Susanna gasped quietly. "No, you did not frighten me," she assured him. "I ... I am just so sorry for you." She didn't know if that was the correct thing to say, but it was genuine.

She stepped forward to stand beside him, looking up at his face as he marvelled at the view. Susanna did not venture to the pond save for the anniversary of her father's death each year. It was a beautiful place to rest, but also a beautiful place to just be.

"I never imagined I could meet someone like you," Alex uttered quietly. His eyes flicked down to her. "A white woman with a heart the size of an ocean. I do not think you know what a rare woman you are."

Susanna sat down on the banks of the pond, the grass beneath her cool, though not damp. Alex followed suit and sat down beside her, leaving enough distance between them. "I don't want to be rare," Susanna whispered. "I hate that I am to you. I hate that it means you have known cruelty from those who look like me."

"I didn't know any different," replied Alex softly. "I have never known true kindness." He looked into Susanna's eyes, as though he was searching for something, or wanting something, or wanting to say something. Susanna saw hope in their dark depths, but such pain. Such unimaginable pain.

"Will you tell me what happened to you?" Susanna again did not know if that was the right thing to say, but she couldn't help but ask. She wondered if Alex had ever told anyone what had happened to him. It had to be such a remarkable burden to bear on one's own.

"I don't want to frighten you," Alex said again in a reserved voice.

"Please," she urged. How could anything frighten her when he had been the victim?

Alex exhaled shakily as he stretched his legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankles. "Where to start?"

"At the beginning?"

Alex nodded as he pursed his lips. "My mother's first service to me was to stay alive."

Susanna's breath hitched in her throat, though she was determined not to make a sound.

"Pregnant women, pregnant slaves did not often survive in Saint-Domingue. They either died during pregnancy, or during birth. Some took their own lives believing that they and their children would return to Africa in death." Alex glanced at Susanna as he spoke his last statement, and Susanna did a poor job at masking her shock. She was too slow to control her expression. "I knew this would frighten you. I don't want to scare you, Susanna. This is not a fairy tale. Mine is not a happy story. I would rather your ears stay free from having to hear the cruelty that one's fellow man is capable of."

"No, I'm sorry. Please, go on," encouraged Susanna.

Alex looked upon her sadly. "Please don't apologise. None of what I say is your fault."