A Simple Deception

XXXVIII

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." Henry David Thoreau, Walden

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XXXVIII.

As the voyage continued, so did Alex's reading and writing lessons. Sometimes he would join in with Belle, and others he would be tutored by Susanna alone.

Alex was constantly marvelled by Susanna's patience and her tolerance. It was difficult not to feel stupid and foolish when he couldn't work out simple words, or he struggled with simple spellings. Several times the thought had crossed his mind that he was too stupid for learning, but Susanna never lost her temper, or allowed him to dwell on such thoughts for long.

Susanna sensed it each time his embarrassment overcame him, and she soothed him with calming words of affirmation. And then it hit him again and again, as though someone had thrown a ten-ton boulder at his head, that he was desperately in love with this woman.

It was easy to become distracted by Susanna's appearance. She had taken to wearing her curly, golden hair loose, and it had lightened over the past months after the constant exposure to the sun. He could see clear streaks of white and platinum through it. Her skin, on the other hand, had darkened a little with tan, and she had a small collection of freckles across her nose.

But it was her warmth, her tenderness, and her kindness that captured Alex every day, taking him deeper into the depths of being lost to her. What would have become of him if Susanna had not come for him? Would he have ever made his way back to her? Would he have ever found a way to atone for his mistakes?

Even now, Alex was not at all certain that he had, or ever would be able to, atoned for his mistakes. Instead, Susanna, and her big, generous heart, had chosen to forgive him. Her certainly knew, however, that he would spend the rest of his life endeavouring to deserve a woman like Susanna Beresford.

"I have been meaning to tell you," Susanna said as they concluded their lesson, "that I had a conversation with your mother the other day."

Alex arched an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Susanna nodded as she leaned over the side of the ship and tipped the cup of seawater that they had been using for writing down into the ocean. "I found myself being terribly nosy," she admitted, a slight flush to her cheeks. "I asked about your father. And her"

"Oh," Alex said again, this time realisation etched in his tone.

Susanna's face fell. "Oh, please do not be upset with me!"

Alex attempted to immediately erase whatever expression he wore that would indicate he was displeased with Susanna. "I am not upset with you, Susanna. How could I be?"

Susanna bit down on her bottom lip for a moment.

"I imagine everyone is as curious," Alex continued. "Maman is a free woman." Amélie had told him so when he had curiously asked the question. Alex had been disappointed for about a minute, perhaps even a minute and a half, when he had learned that his parents would not be reunited as he had hoped. But he knew exactly what freedom meant to him, and he knew it was something even more for a woman of colour. After what his mother had endured to keep him safe all those years, Alex would never ever selfishly hope for anything. Amélie was a free woman, and Alex would always fiercely protect that freedom.

His parents being married did not really mean anything. Not to him, anyway. He still had a mother and a father, two blessings that he knew thousands, millions of others did not have. Even before him, Susanna had suffered the loss of her own father. He did not need his parents to be anything but what they were, his parents.