Racing One shots

Sometimes it is what it is

Sarah POV:

I was home alone again, for the 3rd time this week as once again he was late coming home from training. He had been doing this for months now. I look out the window in the little nook I was sitting in and watch the rain come down. I pull the blanket that was wrapped around my shoulders closer to try and get warm, knowing it wouldn't work. I was cold on the inside, not on the outside. I spent so much time alone anymore that I could feel myself starting to drown, like I did before. But then 5 years ago I meet him, the guy who lit up my entire world and made me happy. But now he was nowhere to be found when I needed him the most. I look down at my hand and see the ring that I had been wearing every day for over a year. A ring that once brought me happiness, joy, and hope but now it left emptiness. I was suddenly hit with a thought, what if he was cheating on me? What if that was why he was missing so much? My chest started to hurt at the mere thought of that possibly being true. I shake my head as tears start to form as I try and go in denial. But the thought was there now and it wasn't going away. I start sobbing as I try and keep my breathing even but it hurt, it hurt so bad being alone, being forgotten. My brain felt fuzzy as I couldn't get enough oxygen in my lungs, the pain was worse than anything I had ever felt in my life. 

I was so far out of it that I didn't hear the front door open and close, nor did I hear he walk into the room only to drop everything and rush to me. I didn't even react to him when he put his hands on my shoulders and my face. It was only when I vaguely felt pressure on my lips did I start to become aware of the world around me again. My eyes start to come into focus again when I see him sitting in front of me looking terrified. I blink at him and close my eyes with a shudder and hide my face in my knees. I felt him wrap me up into his arms and just holds me to him as best he could. The pain had dulled to a ache as I start to feel the exhaustion from my break down hit. I lean into him more as I fight sleep, after a few minutes I must have dozed off because I woke up slightly to him taking me up our stairs and laying me down softly in our bed. He pulls away making me panic only to see he was getting out of his jeans and putting on some sweats. He laid down next to me and pulled the covers over us and held me to him as I snuggle into his embrace. As I fell asleep he kissed the top of my head and buried his face in my hair and held me closer to him. 

After a few hours I wake up in the same position that I feel asleep in. I look up to see his face only a inch from mine and he was still sleeping. I smile sadly as I remember everything that had happened. I knew when he woke up he will want to know what's wrong, but do I want to tell him he is the reason? I know I need to talk to him but I'm scared, scared it will all be true and my worst fears will become reality. My eyes start to burn with tears again as the fear of that starts to build in me. It wasn't till a hand touched my face making me look up and see his worried face looking back at me. Hesitating before leaning up to kiss him timidly, almost scared. He kissed me back softly as his hand cupped the side of my face and the other wrap around my waist snugly. We stayed that way for a few minutes before pulling away and he rested his forehead on mine and finally asks,

"What is wrong sweetheart? Talk to me please, I hate seeing you like this."

My eyes flutter shut as I hoarsely whisper,

"You, you hardly ever being home anymore. I'm here alone all the time while your gone, not even telling when you'll be home or what your doing. I spend hours waiting for you to come home, and some nights going to bed without you. What have I done to make you hate me? Did you find someone better but just haven't be able to tell me? Because if you did just tell me, tell me because I'm hurting already enough not knowing."

I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes, in fear he'd look caught and the truth fall down and destroy my entire world. But if I had I would see the horror, pure pain and the guilt on his face as he watches me struggle to keep as calm as I could. I felt something wet hit my face making my eyes open to see tears pouring down his face, which shocked me. But what shocked me more was what came out of his mouth,

"No, god no love. I'm not cheating on you, I want you and only you. It's just, I want to start a family with you but I didn't know how to bring that up. I know you have had some problems down there and all that so I couldn't bring myself to talk to you about it in fear of hurting you. But it looks like I did in a even worse way. I am so, so sorry babygirl, so sorry."

I felt a mix of emotions, relief that he wasn't cheating and he still wanted to be with me. But shock that he wanted to try and have a family with me. I had always wanted kids of my own but after the injuries, the surgeries and just having a natural low chance it was almost impossible to get pregnant myself. Yet he still wanted to try. It brought tears to my eyes as a soft smile appears on my face as I mutter,

"You can always talk to me, always. And while yes that is a touchy subject but that doesn't mean we can't talk about it. I would love to have a family with you, love to try by ourselves. But if I can't get pregnant we have other options. I really want to go through it all myself but sometimes it is what it is."

His eyes water as he smiles back and captures my lips with his. It was a slow yet full of love, the kind of kiss that sets your heart on fire yet calms everything down. As he pulls back slightly and mumbles,

"So, wanna start trying now?"

I giggle softly and nod as I bring him back to me. Whispering against his lips,

"I love you to the moon and back."

He rolls us over so he is hovering over me and whispers back,

"And I love you to the galaxy and back."

And that was the start of many nights to come, and hopefully get what we wanted out of it the most, a family.