DEVILS ADVOCATE |H.S.|

Chapter 14

I feel sick. I genuinely feel like I'm going to throw up and I don't understand why. It's just dinner and it's with Harry. It means nothing. So why do I feel like this.

If I didn't agree to this stupid dinner I would be fine right now. Taking a deep breath in, I grab my pillow and scream into it. I flop onto the bed and stare at the ceiling.

I should just not show up. That's a thing I can do right? Just not go and then I don't have to worry. Who am I kidding. If I don't show up Harry will come to my apartment. Oh I hate this. I hate this so much.

I groan and sit up. I tap my fingers together as I look around my room. I don't even know where to start.

Okay you have about an hour and half to get ready and be out the door. Go shower, that's what we will do first. Let the water do what it does. It'll wash away everything.

Taking a deep breath in, I stand up and walk to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and pull my work clothes off my body. I look at myself in the mirror and see my jaw is slightly discolored.

Well I'm glad no one else noticed. I drag my thumb across it and hiss softly. Well I should've expected that. He got me pretty good last night. It's been long enough now that it shouldn't get any darker, but for the time being I'll be gentle.

The bathroom mirror has started to steam up. I have to be quick. I still need to deal with my hair and throw on a little makeup to match the dress.

I step into the shower and feel the water rush down my body. This is nice. It's always nice.

I stand in the water letting it take away any nerves. I am here. I am safe. I am calm.

Tonight is going to be a breeze, it's just Harry and as last night proves you can take him. He's not anything to worry about.

I quickly wash my hair and body. Humming to myself, feeling better about the situation. I turn the shower off and step out. I quickly wrap myself and my hair in a towel and head back into my room. The sun has slowly started to set.

Time to get a move on Sage. I open up the nightstand drawer and pull out the knife. I spot my journal and pull it out too. I throw the knife over on to the dress and bring the journal to the vanity.

I sit down while flipping through the pages, reading some of the entries.

No please
Why me
I'm sorry
Please forgive me

All satisfying answers. I cross my legs and turn to the first page. My fingers glide down all of the names and quotes. A pain in my chest forms as I read.

They didn't stand a chance. They didn't get their last words. They didn't deserve it. He did. Nothing I do will make up for my mistake. I'm so sorry, you got caught in my fight.

Then again they never helped. They never thought twice about your screams. They never questioned anything. They were just as guilty as him.

After everything that's happened the past couple days, I am in no mood to deal with those thoughts. The dreams coming back are bad enough. I don't want to trigger another. I sigh out and flip to the next blank page. I reach out and grab the pen sitting in with the makeup brushes.

I jot down Dylan's name and his pathetic He'll find you. I put a little poison bottle next to his name. I write out Ivan's name and his I'm sorry. I put a poorly drawn fist next to his name.

I close the book and tuck it back into my nightstand. I glance at my phone and see it's almost 5.

I goan leave my lips and I sit back down to do my makeup. I need to hurry. I'm already running late and I don't want to hear anything from Harry.