We are the sun and the moon

12

January:

I looked up, quite intimidated by everything. It all seemed so much bigger than I was. I had to be in the studio in an hour, just enough time to visit my dorm and put all my boxes in my room to be unpacked later. Ivy would be here this weekend to help me unpack and decorate. It had been a while since I had seen her. I had auditions and call backs all throughout her christmas break, so we had not been able to see Mary. I heard she spent the whole time with Armani.

I slightly unpacked my clothes bag, just enough to find my tights and leotard for class. Today we went through stretches, positions, and we got our partners for our first dance. We would have a month or two to practice before we put on our first show. Each of our dances would be shown as duets. My partner was a boy named Arche. Our instructor saying we would be partners for the first show, and if we did well together, we would stay partners until she felt the need to change it.

We learned about two minutes of our eight minute dance today, before we were dismissed. We only had the one class every day, but it was set to be four hours every day. We could only learn two minutes, since we did pairing up, stretches, and positions to see what we knew at first. On the way back to the dorms, Arche was talking to me about my old school. I was avoiding talking of Ivy, because I was rather fond of his first impression of me not being me sobbing over a friend I had to leave. He was telling me of his past, and his favorite dancers. We talked about books, movies, dancers, poets, and a few other interests of ours. We could only say so much before we reached our dorm. I had said goodbye and went to hang up the rest of my clothes from my bag. I had waited to unpack with Ivy this weekend since she had told me not to do too much without her. I guess if she decorated my room I would feel like she still had some control over me. Like maybe she would always be over some aspect of me, and to undo that I would have to move every single thing in my room. I found myself thinking of Arche and I found him to be interesting. I wonder if he could help me take my mind off Ivy for a bit. I could only hope we could be as close as Ivy and I were. I speak of her as if she is gone, because to me it would be easier to never see her again, then see her in small increments. I needed her. All of her all the time, and without that opportunity, I would go rather insane.

I made myself some dinner, and got a call from a random number. I answered and it was Ivy. I knew it had to be the bakery's phone, since she never cared to get one herself. She explained as much. We talked about my first day and I told her about my partner. I left my dorm to explore the campus while on the phone, telling her about the things we had. We pretended to not notice how weird it was for us to have awkward silences, and continued to just sit on our sides of the line saying nothing. I had found my way to the library and told her about the way it was set up, and how I found a whole section that she would love. I told her any time we visited, I would have a new book ready for her, and that she would be able to go through the whole section by the time we graduate. She liked the longevity in that statement. I wandered over to the computers and logged in. I went to the page of students here and clicked through the links next to our names. They had each dance we had ever performed on stage. I clicked on a few names I had heard of, and even clicked on my own. I liked the thought of getting to see my own dances. There were only about three to go by, but it was nice anyway. I found Arche, and I clicked on the name. I was still telling Ivy all about these dancers, and when I stopped talking she was wondering if I was ok.

I had gone silent and teared up after watching Arche's first two eight counts. He was a beautiful dancer. I saw the way his emotion would shine through every dance, as if they had all been picked to show how he really felt when he did them. I told her I was fine, that I was watching a brilliant dancer, and she told me Armani needed his phone. We hung up after stalling a few minutes more, and I sat there like I wasn't sure what to do next. I had never had to go back to an empty dorm room. Well, not without knowing she would be there soon after. Knowing she was an hour away pinged my heart. I had never needed someone like I needed her. I knew I would have to live without her, but could my soul forget hers? I would have to find out. Hopefully, before it was too late.