Eventually everyone has left and I'm cleaning while Ivy takes a shower. When I get done, I sit there for a minute and think about everything Ivar and I had talked about. I hear the water shut off, and after a few minutes, the door opens. Ivy walks out and sees me, but I can see the concern already lacing her face. Her expression showing how she's trying to be nonchalant, but her eyes telling on her in the most traitorous way possible. I look up from where I'm laying on the couch, and I see her just standing there. Her eyebrows furrowed. I stare. She blinks at me before slowly taking a few steps.
¨What is it?¨
I ignore her and she walks over, picks my head up softly and sits before dropping my head over her legs. She starts playing with my hair immediately. Picking up my hand and kissing my finger tips. She's being soft. It wasn't fair. I look in her eyes a bit longer to see if they would tell me the one thing I was dying to know. Show me what I wanted to see. They were blank, silent for once. The one time I was screaming out to them. I looked away.
¨Love.¨
I look at her again, my face a slight pink from the name.
¨Tell me what's wrong, yeah?¨ She asks softly. Soft. Everything about this moment is soft. I hate it. I just stared at her again. Maybe I was searching for something, maybe I was just thinking about how to tell her. I reached my arm up and grabbed her hand off my hair, just holding in mine. I kissed the tip of her fingers, her smile showing less concern. I wasn't looking to lie, just act enough to make her forget. I smiled back and turned my head into her stomach, just trying to suffocate myself in her smell. The smell of old books, the smell that felt like suede and silk, and wrapped itself around my head. I fell asleep.
I woke up on the couch, alone, from the smell of tea being made. I walked into the kitchen finding Ivy, hugging her when I saw her. She turned to kiss me, but I ducked my head. The concern made an appearance once again. I avoided being next to her in that sense for the next few weeks. I had avoided unnecessary touches the most. I didn't know if not having that anymore hurt the most, or if it was the fact that it didn't seem to bother her. She stayed at work later each night and we stopped spending so much time together. I had not planned on completely stopping everything, just the confusing things- the things that caused me the pings, and caused me to hurt later when we avoided the conversation to go with it.
I came home from work on Wednesday night, the day Ivy gets home early, and I had a plan to talk. I walked to her room, knocked softly, and walked in finding her on her bed. She had her headphones in, completely unaware of my arrival. I walked over to her slowly, and sat at the edge of her bed. She paused the music, blinking at me. I wasn't sure if I imagined the rolling of her eyes or not.
¨You could've knocked.¨
¨I did, but I guess you didn't hear. Besides, I didn't think I had to.¨
¨It's the polite thing to do, Willow.¨
I nodded realizing maybe she was affected by what I had done, but she was angry. I tried reaching for her hand, but she pulled away- which now I can see how bad that hurts. Although at the time, I wasn't sure she had felt the same way. I had an inkling now.
¨V, talk to me, please.¨
¨I think you should leave.¨
I walked out. I went to my room, looking for the note I had taken from her some while ago. I found it, read over it to make sure it had said what I thought, and hadn't imagined it.
¨Buying someone a book. You know how to win over an angry soul. Although I wasn't sure how much longer mine could pretend yours didn't exist.¨
I walked back into her room, knocking obnoxiously just to make a point. She sighed, which I took as an invitation. I walked in and handed her the note. She read over it. A flicker of something in her eyes, gone as soon as it appeared. A small, tiny really, upward quirk of her lips was shown to me. I moved to lay next to her, our hips touching. Our hands touch too, fingers grazing each other. Us pretending we didn't notice. I turned on my side to face, as she did the same.
¨V, I am sorry.¨
She just looked at me.
Growing annoyed at her antics, I got up to leave.
¨You hurt me.¨ was said so quietly I thought I had imagined it. A quiet rumble through the room, as if a storm was growing so far off you cant see it, you can only hear the quiet sounds of the thunder.
¨You didn't even give me the decency of telling me what was wrong. Imagine being ignored by your best friend for no reason.¨ She spat, weird emphasis on the last part of the sentence. Best friend repeated in my head several times. I stared.
I got up to leave when she grabbed my hand.
¨This note. It was the first time I acknowledged you after I distanced myself some time ago. I had read that paper. The one you wrote and put in the book. I was so infatuated with you that I was crushed to know you had written such a beautiful ode to someone else. I could only pretend to be indifferent, but we both knew you saw through it, so I tried to spare myself, and as you can see it didn't work.¨
¨I really liked that writing.¨ I stated emptily.
She sighed, and looked away.
¨I called it my ode to Ivy at first,
-Her head snapped up so fast, I thought to stop and check on her, but she gave a slight nod-
but I wasn't too sure about how that sounded, so I changed it a few times before deciding I liked it best unnamed. Kinda like what we were. It was best unnamed until we figured it out. Best friend just seemed so degrading and I was so oblivious as to why, but now I know. I ignored you because I had let someone get in my head. I was told that how I felt was written all over my face, but you shared no such revelation. I knew we had yet to talk about what we were doing, and I was just so worried to ask. I am sorry, V.¨
¨And now? Tell me how you feel.¨
¨I wish I could tell you I feel so much more. I feel like I should be telling you that, but I don't. I feel just the same. I can say that back then it was quite overwhelming, it was so difficult to deal with and understand. I have learned to deal with it, and I feel like my love for you grows every day, and be that as it may, it was just as strong back then. From the moment we met, it was you and me. Our souls exist together, because they cannot exist alone. We were inevitable, I think.¨
¨You said you love me.¨ She mumbles while fidgeting with her shirt. She's suppressing a smile.
¨I do.¨
I felt like I should be nervous, disappointed even, that she didn't say it back, but I could feel the love in the room, enough of it surrounding me to know even if she chose not to say it.
She grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together, sitting up to better face me.
¨In my car, you would always say it smelt of books and flowers. I never knew where you got the flower smell from, I had always thought back to it when I would drive alone, but never once could I smell what you had smelt. I figured it had to be us. We smell of flowers when we are together. I always would say I am the flowers, which was a variation of what I was thinking. I think we should be flowers together.¨
¨Ẃe can be the flowers. We can be the trees and the leaves, the lakes and the shore, I would be anything as long as you were my counterpart.¨
¨Let us be the Sun and the Moon, L.¨
STAI LEGGENDO
We are the sun and the moon
Storie d'amorethere she was, in my room, reading every word I had written about her after just three days of knowing her. I wanted to tell her she wasn't allowed to read it. That I had put too much into it. But of course, I wanted her to know. I needed her to rea...
