I'll be here forever

chapter 58

The guy, Leo, stumbled backward, looking down at the dagger sprouting out of his stomach in shock, mouth dropping open. The flames in his hands flickered out, and they shook as he reached for it. And then looked back up at me. His eyes met mine for the first time, and there was a spark of recognition in them. His mouth opened and closed like a fish.

Then he crumbled into a heap at my feet. I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, watching in horror as he bled out at my feet, knife still in him.

I did that. I just stabbed him. And that had been my plan, but actually going through with it was different than coming up with it.

It was self defense. It was self defense. It was self defense. If I hadn't done it, he would've done it to me. It was self defense, I kept telling myself.

Leo started coughing, blood pooling at the corners of his mouth. Blood on his shirt, on my hands, on the ground. It was everywhere.

I shuddered, and stepped back, away from him, pain jolting through my legs, but I couldn't quite bring myself to look away. That look in his eyes, that look of recognition, of betrayal. Of knowing you're about to die. I didn't know if I'd ever be able to forget it.

That was when the girl, who had been frozen, mouth gaping, came back to life.

"No... no, no, no..." she whispered, still not moving, just staring at Leo. A large puddle of blood started to surround him, seeping into the ground, staining the grass.

I couldn't stop staring at him. This was a person, a demigod, just like me. He knew people. People knew him. Maybe this girl, maybe she was his girlfriend. Maybe they loved each other. Maybe he had people waiting for him, wherever he was from. Maybe he had friends. Family. Siblings. Maybe he had goals, too. Maybe he was just as tired as I was.

But he was my enemy. He had tried to kill me first.

I pulled my lips into a tight, determined line, tearing my eyes away from his shaking, bloody body, and flickering over to the girl.

One down, one to go.

Looking back to Leo, I reached down, hand wrapping firmly around the hilt of the knife I'd plunged into his stomach. He sputtered and tried to pry my hand off of it weakly, his hands simmering but not quite lighting on fire. I supposed he probably didn't have enough strength to do so. He got his blood all over my hand, trying to push me off, but it didn't work.

I muttered a quick prayer, under my breath; forgive me.

To who, I don't know. Whoever was listening.

And with that, I ripped the dagger out of him.

The girl cried out in pain, like I had just taken it out of her instead.

But Leo, he wasn't as loud. Instead, he gasped raggedly, blood gushing out of the hole in his stomach. The dagger was the only thing that had been holding it back. I averted my eyes, stepping over him with a wince, hearing him gasp and struggle for breath for a moment more.

It wouldn't be long now.

I was right. It was only a moment before he fell silent, limbs thudding to the dirt. I didn't risk looking back.

I took a deep, shuddering breath, focusing my eyes on the ground. They darted away from him, my eyes searching for anything to grab ahold of, just anything that wasn't him.

There was a voice in the back of my head, telling me that I was wrong, that I didn't have to kill him, that there must have been another way. It asked me, how I could do that to him? How could I just kill him like that? He was a person, like me. How could I?

Stop, stop. Stop it.

Forget it, just forget it. Forget about him. You did what you had to do, and you're going to have to do it one more time, I told myself, trying to shut up the little voice. It worked, and the voice faded, to my relief.

"You... Leo... How- how could you?" the girl cried, her voice breaking.

"I was defending myself," I told her, my eyes still averted. I think I was trying to convince myself more than her. My voice was surprisingly steady, despite the heavy guilt I felt deep in the pit of my stomach and the fact that every breath I took was agony.

I wiped the bloody knife on my jeans, one side, then the other. The blood left a dark stain. A reminder.

"You didn't have to kill him," she spat, her grief for Leo and her hatred for me undisguised in her voice.

"And he didn't have to try and kill me," I told her, finally meeting her eyes, "but he did. So, I suppose, this isn't really my fault."

She looked into my eyes for the first time, her face morphing from shock, to recognition, to horror.

"Percy?" she whispered, and I stopped in confusion.

How did she know my name? Did she know me?

And then I remembered, shaking my head. Lots of monsters knew my name. Hell, that's how I even knew my real name in the first place, was because some dumb monsters starting spouting it off.

"That's my name. It's really annoying how everyone seems to know it," I replied sharply, my grip tightening on the dagger. I'd practically forgotten about how much pain I was in until then, when just the act of tightening my grip on the dagger sent waves of pain up my arm. I resisted the urge to drop it.

"It- It's me, Calypso, and- and Leo," her voice cracked on his name, before hardening again, "...what the hell is wrong with you? You fucking killed Leo! And Festus! They were your friends!"

I paused, considering that. Was she was telling the truth? What if I'd just killed someone who knew me? Who thought of me as a friend?

No. No, of course she wasn't. She couldn't have been. And I... I couldn't have killed my friends. I couldn't. She couldn't have been telling the truth. It wasn't possible; I couldn't wrap my head around it. She was just trying to confuse me, trying to throw me off, so she could get to me as revenge for killing her own friends.

"Yeah, real nice friends I have there. Both of them attacked me first," I sneered, readying myself to fight her. I was getting really sick of whatever shit was coming out of her mouth.

Calypso looked mad. Really, really mad.

"Do you seriously- not remember?" she seethed, "you don't remember them? Remember me?"

(A/N: you can thank anerdinagirlsbody for this chapter. can you tell I use my friends for ideas?)