suicide hotline » styles

//call one//

december 30, 2014 03:12 am

eyes watering shaky fingers heavy breaths and uncontrolled thoughts

there it was
1-800-273-8255

her fingers shook as she pressed call
"hi, this is harry and you were calling a suicide hotline"
she thought it was odd how he sounded so monotone, as if he had done this a thousand times. then she remembered that he probably had and her voice got stuck in her throat as she felt the air punched out of her lungs
"what's your name?" his husky voice comforted her slightly
"lauren"
"hi lauren, so, i'm just going to be straightforward with you so you don't have to talk a lot. are you in any danger right now?" she immediately knew what he was trying to say. "no, i'm not a danger to myself, i'm just.."
"you're just what, lauren?" her tongue tasted salt and that's how she knew she was crying
"i'm just so sad."
it was quiet, for a moment, both people just listening to each other's breaths
"that's okay. i'm here if you want to talk to someone."
"yes i know."
she stayed quiet again because she didn't know what to say. she had always hated phone calls, because she knew that the person at the other end of the line always expected her to talk. she talked too much at school, or other social gatherings. sometimes she just didn't want to talk about stupid boring stuff. she wanted to talk about feminism, writers and painters. but her conversations at school consisted of gossiping, small talk and schoolwork, none of which she was actually interested in.
"can i call some other time?"
"of course, i'll be there."
"thank you."

☁

dear person who actually reads the first chapter.
firstly i want to thank you for everything, obviously. secondly i want to tell you that before you comment 'she's not even thinking about killing herself' you have to realise that you can also call the suicide hotline if you just want to talk to someone anonymously. and don't forget that it's just the first chapter.

love, Sarah.