suicide hotline » styles

//call two//

december 31, 2014 03:12 am

sleepless eyes burned throat sad thoughts

1-800-273-8255

"hi, this is harry and you were calling a suicide hotline" 

she took a long breath as she fiddled with her auburn hair

"hi harry, this is lauren."

"hi lauren. will you be doing something fun this evening? it's new years eve after all."

did he really think that someone who calls the suicide hotline at 3 am will doing something fun at new years eve? she wondered. or is he just trying to talk me out of what i'm about to do? 

"you know, just thinking about killing myself, that's all." she said in a humorous voice, trying to blink away her tears. she laughed as if it was the funniest thing she had ever heard, or maybe, she thought,  the vodka made her laugh so hard. 

"why?" he asked, as she lit her cigarette. 

"because life is not worth living anymore, don't you understand?" she almost yelled. suddenly she felt very angry, as if he had said something that hurt her. but she knew it was her fault, it was always her fault. 

"are you telling yourself that? why would you? why would life suck? think about the rain drops on your face. the colour of the sky, birds chirping, hearing the sea swirl, feeling the sand slip through your fingers."

she hiccuped as the tears fell down her pale face. 

"life is worth living, lauren, it's you that forgot how to breathe."

and as she hung up, she realised that the only person who could save her,

was herself. 

☁

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love, Sarah.