What If I Loved Her Too? (Camila/Lauren/You)

Chapter 8: I Don't Want To Be Your Friend. I Want To Kiss Your Neck.

Your POV

I was trying to avoid it all by taking a nap when I heard a knock on the door. What part of I want to be alone do they not understand? I just want to be alone. I deserve to be alone. I don't want to have to think or do anything. Just want to wallow in my self-pity. Please. It’d been a week since everything erupted in my face. I hadn’t spoken to Camila nor Lauren. I did my best to avoid them in school although I’m pretty sure they were the ones avoiding me. Who could blame them? 

I heard the door opening. I buried my head further into my pillow. Then I felt the edge of my bed slump down. "Dude, you need to get out. You’ve been acting like this for a whole week. I think that’s enough. Stop being a little shit and get up." 

"Stevie, get out. I don't want to do anything. Leave and close the door on your way out." I stuck my head even deeper into my pillow. 

"No dude. I'm not allowing this anymore. Let's go bowling or to the track or something. Just get the fuck up."

I groaned over dramatically unburying my face and looked at Stevie. "Stevie, can I ask you a question?" 

"She's alive!" Stevie said in some sort of movie villain accent. "Ask me an I shall part my wisdom on you." 

I rolled my eyes. When was this woman ever capable of having a serious conversation? "Just be serious for a few minutes please." 

"Fuck, you don't have to be so moody. But okay, what?" Stevie said rolling her eyes at me. 

"What would you do if you were me?" 

"Dude! Sister wives. Like holy shit have you not seen that show? I think it'd work out for you."

I looked at Stevie with the most annoyed look my face could possibly build. "Get out! Just get out." 

"Okay. Chill. Sorry." Stevie grabbed a pillow and lay next to me. "I can't say I completely understand because I've never really understood what the hell it is that goes on in your head. But do you really love them both?"

"Yes. I do." That was the easiest question I could ever answer. 

"Hmmm. I don't know sis. You really need to dig in and find out why you love them or why you think you love them. The whole Lauren thing caught me by surprise because Camila had been your world for the past few years and then boom. She all of a sudden wasn't." 

"Why do you think I'm so confused?" I asked Stevie. "All I had known was Camila and everything with her was so easy. But with Lauren nothing has ever been easy. We practically fight everyday over something for the past three months but there was never a moment where I didn't want to work it out. Even if it was hard it felt...natural." 

"Okay, I'm going to put in my two cents. So don't kill me." Stevie looked at me then back at the ceiling. "I could be completely wrong but just think about it. I don't think you're in love with the both of them." Had I not just told her that I loved them both?

"Don't look at me like that. Let me finish. I think that you only love one of the girls. And it's infatuation that you have with the other. Infatuation can sometimes seem like love but it only clouds your mind." 

As much as I wanted to discard Stevie's point, I couldn't. It was a plausible point. But what I felt for Lauren and Camila sure as hell felt like love. "How do I figure out if one is love and the other is infatuation?"

"That's the hard part, that’s what you have to figure out kid. If you ask me, the one you really love is—" before Stevie could finish there was a small knock on the door. 

"Come in," I said thinking it was either my mom or dad. But when the door opened I was surprised to see Ally at the door. She also hadn't spoken to me since last Friday. "Hi," I said quietly.