What If I Loved Her Too? (Camila/Lauren/You)

(Alternate Ending): Medicine

A/N: This would take place after the first part of Chapter 21.

"No! No!" Lauren yelled as she shuffled in her sleep. "This-this can't be-No!"

Her movements made me slip out of my own sleep rather quickly. "Lauren," I spoke softly to try and not startle her. "Wake up, babe. Wake up." Lauren had mentioned her nightmares but I had never actually been present during one. "Lauren, its only a dream. Wake up, babe." I put my hand on her shoulders and shook her gently.

Two green eyes opened, full of worry but quickly scanning the room.

"What-what are you doing here?" Lauren looked at me in shock.

"I've been here, Lauren. I came to visit remember." I smiled trying not to add to her already worried mind.

"You're-you're real?" Lauren placed her hands on my cheeks, desperately tracing over my face with her fingers. "You're right here?" she asked. "You're here with me?" she said stopping on lips.

"I'm right here, baby." I smiled again. "Another nightmare?"

She nodded timidly when she realized it was in fact another nightmare.

"I didn't think they happened this often." I confessed to her.

And I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel guilty. This had been happening ever since my surgery. It had been more than two years and with Lauren and I, in different colleges, there wasn't much that I could do. She especially didn't like to talk about it. During the surgery I had come close to I guess you could say, "biting the dust." And it took a clear toll on Lauren, plus all the other things before that. Granted, she now had my full commitment, although, I was sure that the nightmares Lauren had, had in part to do with the doubt that I wouldn't remain faithful to her not to mention the chance that my heart could still fail at any moment.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's the same one," she said just above a whisper leaning into my shoulder. "Its so real. I'm in that lobby again and I'm waiting and waiting and then my dad comes and tells me that there was nothing he could do. And, god, I just want to—"

"Hey, hey," I interrupted her, "It's not real. I am alive and I am here with you." I said wrapping both of my arms around her. "I'm so sorry, Lauren."

"Why are you apologizing? You have no control over my dreams."

"No, I don't. But it is my fault, Lauren. I put you through all that shit in high school, plus my heart and these are the repercussions. Trust me, I wish I had control over your dreams. I'd fill them with rainbows and unicorns that fart clouds and with trees made of candy and chocolate."

I heard a weak laugh coming from Lauren and I took it as a small victory. "I just wish there was more I could do. Find a way to stop them or assure you that I'm all yours. I won't let this old thing take me from you that easily."

"Just hold me. You can do that for now." And I did. I held her as close as possible against my chest and we lay there in silence thinking about all we'd been through.

Almost two years later and it still wasn't easy for Lauren and I. Somehow, it seemed that the odds were always against us. She was in New York and I was in California, different colleges that were thousands of miles apart. The only time that we got to see each other was for a few days at a time through out the semester, were days like this when one of us had a chance to miss classes without getting behind. The only time we got to see each other, for longer periods of time were at the end of the semesters when break began and Lauren and I practically jetted to Miami. It also didn't help Lauren's insecurity that I went to college with my ex-girlfriend. Things between Camila and I were completely over. We'd made amends and had complete closure but she was still one of my closest friends. I understood Lauren's doubt; after all I put her through in high school. I could feel her doubt, every time I held Lauren, she'd never mention it, but I could feel how she never wanted to let me go. Almost afraid that I wouldn't come back to her. Just like she was right now. When the only thing that I wanted was to go back to her.