You're Still Loved, I Swear *One Direction*

Chapter 4

“NIALL! HURRY UP!” Liam shouted, trying to get the blonde to hurry downstairs before they left for the signing.

Niall grunted, knowing very well that Liam couldn’t hear him downstairs. He slapped a band aid over his sloppily rushed cuts, and pulled his pants back up. He quickly rushed out of his bathroom, grabbed his phone, and ran downstairs where his band mates were impatiently waiting for him.

Louis grumbled, “It’s ‘bout time.”

Niall rolled his eyes and followed them out to the car waiting for them (Paul was driving, of course) and remained expressionless the entire time. It’d been a week since Harry’s spanking, and Niall was grumpy as ever. Don’t get the wrong idea; he was still behaving (he really didn’t want another spanking) and being respectful, but the boys could tell something was off. He didn’t laugh as much, he didn’t eat as much, and to their dismay; he’d ever refused fun outings like going swimming in the back yard pool  or going shopping (the latter being Louis’ idea, of course!).

“Nialler, you all right?” Louis asked, noticing the way his blonde friend was staring straight out the window.

Niall didn’t answer; he was too lost in his own world to comprehend the fact that Louis was talking to him. Zayn questioningly looked at Louis, who shrugged, and the four boys studied Niall, who didn’t even flinch under their judgmental gazes.

“We’re here; you boys remember how to act at a signing?” Paul asked, and Niall finally snapped out of his trance and nodded with the other boys. “Good.” Paul smiled, and let the boys enter the mall they were doing the signing at.

They sat at a long white table like they did every time, and someone handed each of the boys a Sharpie and a water bottle. Niall, being nervous about the large crowd (he’s claustrophobic), gulped nearly half of his water before he even realized they had started letting girls in.

They were only signing 500 copies of their latest CD, and though that seemed like a lot (it was), the boys of One Direction knew it’d go by quickly. But just the fact of being here didn’t satisfy Niall; in fact t angered him even more. He knew he was probably worrying the other boys; but he’d been cutting every chance he could get in the last few weeks, and he didn’t want to be here, not cutting.

“Hi love, what’s your name?” Louis asked, being the first at the table.

The girl with long, curly brown hair smiled and stuttered, “A-Amy…”

“Alright Amy, well I hope you have a fantabulous day!” Louis said, smiling and going on to the next girl. He kept repeating this process; finding out the girl (or guy’s) name, and wishing them a good day.

Niall even managed to plaster on a ten-watt smile and joked around with the girls coming through, throwing out random Irish sayings and even cursing for them (they’d asked). Within an hour; the signing was over, and Niall actually felt better. It was weird; considering the past few days he only felt better when he cut; but this time it was like the relief from cutting, but without the pain and the blood.

But Niall knew this relief would only be temporary.

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“There’s enough time to do a meet and greet, some of the girls have left but there are still ones outside.” Paul whispered into Louis’ ear and asked, “You think you lads are up for it?”

Louis shrugged, “I’d think so.” He peered over at the four boys sitting next to him, and he saw all of them joking around and playing; obviously still full of energy. “Definitely.” Louis assured to Paul, who left to announce it to the girls. The boys were led back to a different room, where five girls would come in at a time and talk with them for ten, fifteen, minutes and leave.

Meet and greets were always Liam’s favorite. He loved meeting and talking with his fans; it was interesting to see the people who supported them. Just like the other boys; he didn’t mind the meet and greet.

Except Niall, he did mind it. Not to the point where he was acting like a dick; but the giddy feeling from the signing eventually wore off and he just wanted to feel that familiar burn in his thighs.

“Hi Niall, can I talk to you?” A girl with pretty blonde hair and a Scottish accent asked. Niall had been staring out into space; he probably scared the girl (hence her asking for permission to talk to him). But he snapped his head towards her, welcoming in her striking blue eyes and petite figure.

“I just…” The girl nervously cracked her knuckles as Niall silently stared at her. “I just…I really wanted t-to say, thank you.”

Niall’s eyebrows knitted together, “But, for what?” He was confused; sure his fans would thank him, but this girl didn’t bother explaining what for.

The girl took a deep breath and lifted up the sleeves of her shirt, “I used to…I used to be at school and get bullied. I know, it’s typical and cliché of being a teenager; but that didn’t stop it from hurting me. I just…I’d always cut myself…and then, well, your m-music…the other boys too…you just…dammit! I can’t get a sentence out.” She nervously laughed.

Niall stared at the wrists she was holding out, and he gulped. Contrary to popular belief; no fan has really gone to the extent of showing one of the boys their self-harm marks before; Niall was a little intimidated.

“I think what I’m trying to say,” The girl sighed, “Is that your music, it…saved me in a way. I just….I don’t feel s-so broken anymore…” She trailed off, her voice getting quieter at the end of her sentence.

Niall smiled, and just as he was about to say something, Paul came in and said, “Alright girls, the meet and greet is over!” The other four girls left, and just as the girl talking to Niall was about to leave, he stopped her and brought her in for a hug. “Thank you, so, so much.” He whispered to her, and she started crying. She’d never felt loved, and now her favorite celebrity decided to hug her?

“Don’t ever cut again, it’s not worth it.” He said, and right before he pulled away from their embrace, he asked, “Do you have a phone number?”

The girl smiled, “Yeah.” When they broke apart, she pulled a piece of paper and pen out of her tiny little purse and wrote down her name and number. She gave it to Niall, and he flashed a smile as she left.

“What was that about?” Zayn asked as soon as all the girls left the room and they waited for the car to pull up.

Niall wiped the tears off his cheeks as he bitterly laughed, “Nothing, nothing at all.”

“That…uh…seemed like something.” Harry awkwardly said; not wanting to invade on Niall’s personal life but at the same time; wanting to know why he was crying.

Niall shook his head and muttered, “You wouldn’t understand.” The four boys heard that; but didn’t know how to respond. Paul came and told them that their ride was ready, and they filed out to the familiar black SUV.

As soon as the car arrived to their flat; Niall hopped out of the car and sprinted up to his room, shut his door and collapsed into tears on the bed.

He sighed as he reached for the pocket knife, and, yet again, threw off his pants. He bit his lip, and welcomed the familiar sting in his thighs once again.

He was sure his friends wouldn’t understand.

A/N Feel free to request, I’ll try and do the ones I think that are best for this story! And I’m sorry that not every chapter has spanking, but c’mon, if my best friend spanked me I’d be like “Bitch, no!” And slap her. No joke. So I’m trying to make this realistic; though I doubt they’d ever spank each other haha…yeah. Okay. Again, if you struggle with self-harm and you need to talk, I’m here! I love you <3 xoxo