You're Still Loved, I Swear *One Direction*

Chapter 9

“Niall, I’ve brought a nice young psychologist here to see you.” The elderly day-nurse smiled at the little blonde boy. He internally groaned; he didn’t like the day nurse, Jo-Ann, because she treated him like he was a kid. Despite his small frame, skinny build, and vulnerable circumstance; Niall wasn’t a child and didn’t like being treated like one. But he plastered on a smile and told Jo-Ann to send the psychologist in; just to avoid discomfort with the one taking care of him.

The elderly woman left, and a petite young woman with jet-black hair entered the room. She wore a cold smile and her eyes were clad with glasses that seemed to peer into your issues. She sported a thin, dark grey pencil skirt and a chilling white blouse. And to accompany her thin, small figure, the woman had bony, spider-like hands. Niall didn’t like her one bit.

“Hello Mr. Horan.” The woman greeted, and unwrapped her slender fingers from the pen in her hand. She scribbled something down on the clip board she had with her, and set the briefcase hanging off her shoulder on the tile ground. “My name is Dr. Gilbert. I’ll be assisting you in finding the recovery for your issues.”

“What if I don’t want recovery?” Niall asked. It was true; he didn’t want recovery. He’d been in the hospital only a few hours of the night when the day nurse decided to tell him about this psychologist, and that angered him because the nurses didn’t have enough time to realize that he didn’t need help.

The woman laughed, cold-heartedly and sarcastically as she pushed her frames further up the bridge of her nose. “You don’t always get what you want; you should’ve figured that out by now.”

Deflated, Niall slumped his shoulders and picked at the blankets on his bed. They weren’t warm at all, that was for certain. Niall simply wondered what the point of them were.

“But I know that you know that I’m here to help.” The doctor murmured, and smiled up at Niall. “And we both know that whether you like or not, I’m going to help.”

Niall sighed and rubbed his hands together, immediately wishing he had his big, thick, warm duvet from home. He was cold; and the prescence of this hellish woman didn’t seem to help at all.

“How long have you been cutting?” She asked, sitting on the edge of Niall’s bed.

The blonde’s tongue flicked over his lips, he’d grown uncomfortable to that question. But he answered anyways. “I did it when I was like; 14, but stopped two years ago.”

“And you started again.” Dr. Gilbert finished, flashing a weak smile up at the blond teen.

He nodded, “Yeah but I just…I don’t know…”

“You don’t know why you started.” She assumed, and he nodded again. “Yeah,” Niall mumbled, “When I was 14, I didn’t know what I was doing. But when I started again a while ago…I…I just, I knew. Ya know?”

She lightly chuckled, “Nope, I don’t know.”

Niall looked the doctor up and down after she’d honestly answered. He couldn’t figure out. She was cold-hearted, she was cruel. Her whole demeanor screamed that; and she was even laughing at his issues! “I needed to fucking punish myself, ya happy?” He huffed, and tried to keep his temper down.

She sighed and scribbled something down. “No, I’m not happy. Only someone very mentally ill would be happy over someone else’s self-inflicted pain.” Niall’s eyes cautiously flickered up to meet her brown ones, and he felt a twinge of security swell in his stomach. Maybe she wasn’t as bad as he’d thought.

“So, tell me Niall, why do you need to be punished?” The doctor inquired.

Niall shrugged and pulled his thin upper lip in his mouth to be chewed on. “I dunno, I just…I’m a f-fuck up. Everything I t-touch just…gets screwed up.”

She nodded, “Or maybe, they were going to be screwed up anyways; and there’s not a single person that loves you who thinks you’re a ‘fuck up.’”

“Whatever.” He mumbled and brought his right hand into his left. He began to nervously crack his knuckles and she wrote more things down, and he wondered why this had to be happening to him.

She silently lifted her head and tore her eyes away from her clipboard, and she quizzically studied the boy. “When was the last time your parents punished you?”

Niall choked on his own air, “W-What?”

“Like, grounded, spanked, time-out. How old were you?” She asked.

Niall stuttered, and tried to force out the answer with as much confidence as he had. “W-when I was 13 or 14, they stopped s-spanking me…they’d just ground me.”

“And your friends, they older right?”

Niall nodded.

“Do they, your manager, or anyone else, punish you?” She asked.

This earned an uncomfortable coughing fit from the boy, but he still forced himself to answer. “I uh…just…uh…once…”

She smiled slightly, “I think I have a proposition. Obviously I don’t know you very well, but it’s a rather good proposition.”

Niall cleared his thought and ran a few slim, creamy fingers through his messy locks. “Okay. Shoot.”

She sighed, “You should let your band mates punish you when deemed fit.” The doctor said.

“No.” Niall immediately shot her idea down. “They’re my band mates, there’s no way in hell that they’re gonna agree to that.”

She smiled, “But won’t you agree to it?” The blue eyed boy just shrugged, so she went on. “You know, you said you cut to punish yourself. What if they punished you, healthily and in a way where both your mental and physical health weren’t completely thrown out the window?”

Niall shrugged and fiddled with his uncomfortable gown, “I guess it makes sense…but…I dunno. I’ll feel weird!”

“Please, Niall,” She chuckled lightly, and rose from her seat on the bed, “I think you’ll feel weirder once you’re admitted into self-harm rehab because you didn’t agree to this.”

And with that, the sleek, creepily cold woman glided out of the room, leaving Niall alone to ponder and her to talk to his friends.

And maybe, just maybe, Niall didn’t dislike the idea. His friends weren’t necessarily going to spank hi, but in the back of his mind, he knew that he’d eventually need it.

Eventually.

A/N I’m. Exhausted. So I decided to update, but I’m dedicating this chapter to the lovely selenaisthebest because I didn’t know I had that effect on anyone (: I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU <3 Okay, bye!