Losing Sawyer

22. Catch Up

There's something about seeing a friend you haven't seen in person in a while. The very event calls for dramatics. Like for example when Ellie comes home and we see each other for the first time she squeals and yells and throws herself into your arms and she doesn't let go until she's successful knocked everyone off their feet.

Ellie's homecoming hugs are the absolute best. Nothing compares to them and even though it took a while for Laurel to really warm up to them, she tries her best especially when Ellie isn't here. Like now.

"I can't believe you're home." My voice strained with excitement as we hold each other tight.

"I had some extra vacation days." She says, our bodies swaying back and forth.

We don't knock one another off our feet but I can feel her happiness as we stay in the hug longer than probably necessary, garnering the occasional look from another patron in the bar we met at.

"Besides your half birthday is coming up, thought you might need a hand."

I love hearing the lightness in her voice. Her thoughts less calculated and guarded. And as we pull away her bright blue eyes are clear and pooled with happiness.

Laurel still sports long sleeves, Ellie and I didn't learn the reason behind her choice in fashion until the end of senior year. After the dust settled from Brett and James and Ellie and Darren become official. And after Wes and Laurel became jointed at the hip, a bond seemingly unbreakable. It was then that she finally placed her trust in someone other than Wes.

There's just something about Wes and his ability to be a sort of safe haven. I attribute it to his steady calm demeanor, the fact that you could probably throw a complete curveball at him and no matter how whacky it is, he always manages to catch it in stride.

I got an overview of how it went when Brett came out to Wes back in high school and naturally Wes wasn't phased. And how even though Sawyer had been terrible throughout high school to him, he didn't have a problem with me bringing him around as our friendship grew. Ellie on the other hand, might have murdered me if she thought she could get away with it.

But Wes, for all that he is, eludes a sort of stillness, calm and understanding. So it makes sense that while Laurel was struggling she sought out Wes.

"Where are you staying? With your parents?" I ask as we settle into our seats with a drink.

We're at a quiet bar, in between rushes. Just a handful of people including the staff there. It's bright, sunlight streaming through the windows that line the front. Team pendants hung along the walls, TVs thrown in between, the place always packed when a game is on. But right now, while there's no game, it's a quiet, comfortable space to reunite with a friend.

Laurel nods, clearing her throat before she lowers her head and as she does I know the question that's lingering there. She used to come home and stay with Wes.

"He's good." I tell her before she can ask. "At least last time I saw him he was."

She gives me a soft smile, one of relief really. "He asked me if I was coming to your birthday party." She tells me. "Said if it would make things awkward for me that he wouldn't come."

I'm not surprised really, Wes always has been one for avoiding confrontations but I watch Laurel carefully. I love Wes and I want him there and I know James feels the same.

"What'd you say?" I ask, trying to keep my voice level even though I'm instantly anxious for her answer. Wrapping my hands around my cold drink, I take a sip.

She shrugs her shoulders. "I told him it wouldn't make me feel awkward." She says and I feel my shoulders sag in relief. "Besides he's been friends with you guys longer, if anyone should not come it should be me."

"Well we want both of you there." I tell her.

We exchange smiles the kind that are knowing of each other's pains. When Laurel called to tell me she ended things with Wes, it took me by surprise. They seemed like the couple that would always be together, steady and predictable. So when it came to a sudden a halt, we were all shocked.

Laurel said she initiated the break up but that Wes and her came to a mutual agreement, neither one sour over it. Sometimes relationships that seem like they'll last a lifetime, don't, for various reasons like people grow apart or sometimes you realize it's just not going any where. Whatever their reason, I'm sure it still hurts even if it's something they both ended up wanting.

"Are you seeing anyone?" I ask, she takes a sip, her short hair swinging as she shakes her head.

"No, I think I'm going to see what single life is all about." She tells me. "I've never just let myself be single. First it was Mason, then it was Wes." And before I can say anything she says "how's James and Brett? Should we expect drama?"

I laugh, but really it's a fair concern. "They've been casually seeing each other according to James." Her eyebrows raise and I nod in agreement. "I know, but I guess Brett invited James to meet his Uncle. That's never happened before."

James called me the other day, voicing a list of concerns. He spent years asking Brett to introduce him to his Uncle, to his family, well the family that didn't disown him. And in true Brett fashion he always had a reason or an excuse for it to not happen. Even when we'd go out and meet someone new, Brett never wanted to introduce James as his boyfriend. He couldn't figure out how to accept himself and in turn, he didn't accept James in a way.

"Wow. That's big." Laurel says.

"James is freaking out, rightfully so." I add, taking a drink, the alcohol warming my face. "I wouldn't be able to trust Brett after everything either."

Laurel's green eyes meet mine and there's something that lingers in their depths that I can't quite place. A look of understanding but I can't possibly think of any similarities between Laurel and Brett.

"Self love is hard." She says quietly, dropping her gaze to the table. "It's really hard to not listen to all the negative things that someone says you are."

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