Losing Sawyer

27. Uncommon

I'm hunched over a high top and my cocktail, watching my friends mingle and interact with one another. There's an energy that's coming from them, bright and lively but I'm muddled down with worry, even with the excitement from Ellie saying yes to Darren.

Darren didn't even get the chance to fully ask her. As soon as his knee hit the ground and he fumbled the ring box out of his pocket she threw herself at him. Knocking him off balance and together they fell to a heap on the pavers.

Her ring is beautiful, a big European cut diamond on a jewel encrusted band. It shimmers and shines, bouncing light as it draws attention to itself.

Darren has been faithfully beside her, watching every thing she does completely love sick. I couldn't ask for a better a guy to love my best friend. It helps that Darren is also just an amazing guy all the way around. Always so kind and accepting. 

Like when James came out. I wasn't there but James said Darren didn't even flinch, like he already knew.

They're all together, Laurel and Sawyer talking nearby, the two have been lingering with each other all night. James and Brett, Brett still quiet and uneasy as his eyes dart around to gauge reactions as he lets James keep his arm around his shoulders.

For the longest time, Brett wouldn't let James show any sort of affection in person. We'd go out as friends and even though we all knew they were together, Brett still wouldn't sit by James, wouldn't hold his hand, kiss him, anything.

"He's trying." Wes' voice meets my ear as he stands beside me.

He's got his denim jacket on, the elbows so worn they're starting to fray. He stands so close I feel his tic before he grows still again and as he does my eyes find my brother and Brett.

James has been so full of life tonight, his laughter a staple in the soundtrack that plays around us. He's had a big genuine smile on his face, this over abundance of joy spilling from him and I'm thrilled he's so happy. I watch his head tip back and even though I can't organically hear the laugh the tumbles from him I know it's sound by heart. His arm is wrapped around Brett's shoulders who watches him with a soft smile on his face.

I know that Brett loves James. I've never doubted it.

"I know he is." I tell Wes.

But Brett needs to love himself too. And I can't figure out if he does or not.

I bring my drink to my lips, taking a sip as we both survey the room in comfortable silence beside one another. I've always enjoyed Wes' company, he's calm and gentle, a soothing sort of aura to him even with his tics. You just know what you're going to get with Wes. He's Wes, he's never changed.

"How's Sawyer?" He asks.

I turn to look at him, to search his eyes to find out why he's asking. Wes and Sawyer have a weird relationship. One that's not quite friends but also not acquaintances or used to be friends. They've come to land on this weird middle ground, where they check up on each other but never directly. In fact I think Brett and Sawyer have hung out more than Wes and Sawyer.

It's instinct to tell Wes he's fine. To cover up my worries. But if anyone out of our friend group can carry my worries silently it's Wes.

"Not good." I confess, finding Sawyer in the crowd.

He's been acting like everything's fine, nothing is wrong. He doesn't want to talk about the looming doctor appointment or his excessive strength training. He's been tight lipped and acting over the top fine. Not letting me see him as anything but obnoxious happy Sawyer.

"What's the matter?"

I know it's probably not my place to tell Wes but I need someone to know. Someone that cares about Sawyer. Someone that might know how to help him so I tell him.

"He's just really struggling. He's working out like crazy, he strained his shoulder again but he won't relax because he's worried if he takes a day off his game will get worse." I'm trying so hard to make sure that I don't downplay it, Sawyer's recklessness, his stubbornness that's bordering on being unhealthy. "I'm really worried something's going on Wes."

And that's the thing that scares me the most. What if it's more than just a sprained shoulder or the wrong training program. What if there's something actually wrong with Sawyer?

Wes tics, the drink in his hand sloshing over the sides and he apologizes. We both dab at the table with the flimsy napkins that have been discarded from other drinks but I keep my focus on Sawyer as he moves around. Studying his unique gait, his mannerisms, the way he holds his drinks in his left hand to save his right shoulder fatigue.

"Darren mentioned something one time." Wes says, still trying to mop up the table even though I've stopped.

I lose him for a moment as he searches the tables around us looking for extra napkins, his hazel eyes reflecting everything back to me in the dim lit room. He leaves me standing at the table wondering what Darren could have mentioned and even though I want to redirect him back to our conversation I also know Wes.

He finds another bundle of napkins, apologizing again as he finishes cleaning the table and throwing out the sopping napkins before returning to my side in silence. I usually find all of Wes' quirks endearing but right now I'm impatient.

"What did Darren say?" I ask.

Wes looks at me, confusion in his eyes but I can see him mentally backtracking through the last few minutes.

"Oh, right." He mumbles. "He had actual facts, so you'll have.." he gets stuck in a tic for a moment and I wait patiently even though I feel nothing of the such, "have to ask him, but you know Tucker, I guess it's not completely unheard of for", he whistles, blurting a cuss word and I slip right back into an old habit of taking his hand. It's natural for our fingers to fold together and for a moment I realize just how long it's been since I've done this, "both siblings to have muscular dystrophy."

It almost feels like the world crashes down.