Trifecta

ACT III: Chapter Eight - Sonny (January, 2006)

I would be lying if I said I hadn't lost any of my resolve about saving Lilah in the coming weeks. Every day we spent in a hospital, where I read the same medical posters and diagrams lining the exam rooms, listened to the same speeches from a dozen different faces and waited for the miracle that I was sure would strike at any moment, was just another seed of despair planted deep into my heart. So deep that it felt as if no light of hope could touch it anymore.

None of this ever seemed to get to Lilah like it did me. She never darted her eyes between the doctor and the wall suspiciously like I did. She never dragged her feet, hemming and hawing. Lilah optimistically dove into every new option with a smile on her face and an assured nod every time, as if it was nothing.

I envied that strength that Lilah had, that absolute confidence, but it also scared me. I couldn't tell anymore if she was really that sure of herself or if she was just blind to the reality of what was going on in her life. That despite the chemo, radiation and cocktail of pills that were prescribed to her, she was slipping through my fingers.

When one of Lilah's doctors suggested moving her into the hospital full-time, I think we both realized how bad things were getting. Neither of us were thrilled about this development, but Lilah's condition couldn't be ignored either. She was withering away with each passing day and no matter how strong she had been through everything, it didn't change the fact that her body was failing her. So even if I completely loathed it, if they could promise me one more day with Lilah, I was willing to jump through any hoop I had to.

I knew that we wouldn't be able to keep the secret of Lilah's illness between the three of us anymore once she was moved into the hospital. While I didn't initiate the conversation by any means, I figured it would probably come up naturally and we would make a plan on how to tackle the problem together. It never did though.

Instead, Lilah arranged a visit with Bobby, Pockets and their little guy, Jackson without me knowing. I couldn't be upset of course, this was Lilah's life and she could do what she pleased without my permission, but that didn't mean I wasn't a little blindsided at seeing the four of them when I came back up from the cafeteria with a tray of food for Lilah.

As soon as I entered the room Bobby looked up and glared at me so intensely that I felt as if I would be burnt to a crisp from his gaze. His face was a far cry to his wife, who was wearing a forced smile to cover for her lost, scared eyes as she watched Lilah and Jackson. They were the only ones that seemed normal at all upon first glance, with Lilah bouncing Jackson on one of her knees, both hands grasped around the chunky boy's midsection while he giggled uproariously.

"What's going on here?" I asked in a slow, cautious voice as I deposited the tray on the table next to Lilah's bed before I came to sit next to her.

"Just having a little visit," Lilah said in a light, airy voice as she continued to make silly faces for her nephew. "Did you get the peach yogurt I like?"

I nodded and put a hand on her leg that wasn't occupied. "Of course."

"Why didn't you tell us, Marley? Why did you let her hide this?" Bobby said loudly and fixed me with another hard stare.

If looks could kill, I'm sure I would be keeled over on the floor with the heat Bobby was throwing at me from that glance.

I put my hands up and sputtered as I tried to find some kind of explanation to give him besides the truth, because the truth was that I hadn't thought about him once. I was so concerned with giving Lilah every day for her that I didn't think of, or frankly even care, about anyone else knowing about her condition. They didn't matter in the long run. Their happiness and comfort about the whole situation meant nothing to me.