THC Meets Poetry

Raspberry Rum

She is my raspberry rum on a Tuesday night. The burn in the back of my throat. Resting in between the slur of my words are cries for her to silence these voices in my head that guide my hand closer to the blade. With a voice so sweet and sultry I fall to my knees, my resistance falling through the cracks in my fingers.

I'm staring at the tip of this bottle after having convinced myself that if I stare at it long enough, it'll be her lips that I'm kissing instead of the glass that cradles this liquid poison. I can't bring myself to pick up my head to meet her eyes. Every time I make an effort to do so, it feels as though I am looking at her from underwater after I had subconsciously attempted to drown myself in future predictions of our departure.

She is like the smoke that fills my lungs. Though it sends me into a fit of coughing.. I'm eagerly anticipating my next hit. I know she is as temporary as the high is from these drugs, but when I'm lost in the clouds I find that I would rather break from her love than to ever be without this feeling of being lighter than air. I am addicted to her white lies and her darkest truths. I fell in love with her monsters and the despair that circles her. That broken smile emitted a kind of light that I found myself drawn to. The way it would sparkle at the sight of me was intoxicating.

I'm searching for her love in between the cuts on my arms. Desperate to find just a glimmer of her attention. I pretend that the gentle warmth of blood trickling down my skin is actually her nails lightly tickling me absentmindedly while she is completely immersed in her favorite movie. I could get lost in the idea of her. The version of her that I've created in my head. The one that is counting down the seconds until our next call. The one feeling empty when I'm busy. The one making plans for our happily ever after.

My heart will always shatter before her  and that is a truth I find hard to acknowledge let alone accept. I am forever in denial of the loss of her.