𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐫 // 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧

𝐜𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐪𝐮𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 // 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

i just like writing these so fuck u

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curt: here's a fun idea!!! hang a mistletoe except the two people under it have to fight each other instead of kissing

owen: that is a horrible idea-

cynthia: call it mistlefoe

owen: cynthia please don't encourage him-

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owen, wide awake at four AM: do you think that when butterflies are in love they feel humans in their stomach?

curt, half asleep: owen, love of my life, darling, shut the fuck up

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tatiana: you know you can die from that, right?

owen, smoking a cigarette: lmao yeah

curt, drinking whiskey: that's the point

cynthia, doing both of those things at once: we're trying to speed it up.

barb, eating cookie dough: yeah

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curt: why is blood so hard to wash off your hands???

owen: i-

curt: wait that sounded awful i promise i'm not a serial killer i just had a nosebleed-

owen: "not" a serial killer as if you don't have a license to kill

barb: hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood, just an fyi

cynthia: so if i injected hydrogen peroxide into someone's bloodstream they'd lose all blood immediately?

tatiana: i'm surrounded by murderers

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curt: *rolls over in his sleep and knees owen in the ribs*

owen: ow you idiot you kneed me!! >:(

curt, sleepily: yeah, i do need you

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cynthia: i hope you two have a good fucking explanation for this

curt: we actually have three!

owen: pick your favorite!

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curt: *furiously tapping on the counter*

owen: *tapping back angrily*

cynthia: what the fuck are they doing?

tatiana: they learned morse code so they could talk shit in front of people.

curt: .—-...—.-..—...-.—-

owen, slamming his fists on the table: YOU FUCKING TAKE THAT BACK

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curt: man. fuck you.

owen: is that a threat or a promise?

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curt, holding his and owen's new baby: she's so beautiful

doctor: we're gonna have to giver her some shots in a second

cynthia, who is there for some reason: oh hell yeah, pour up, it's her fuckin birthday!

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owen: listen, i think you have PTSD

curt: yeah, and it stands for proficient talent for sucking dick!

owen: true but i think we also need to talk about you using humor as a coping mechanism

curt: i don't think you understand how fucking hilarious what i just said was

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