Regression

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They couldn't find Victor.

James wasn't worried or panicked. He was angry. They were so close to putting Mason behind bars, and Victor –

Victor had to go ahead and run. Bail. Sabotage everything, ruin everyone's efforts. They searched, of course, they searched, they looked everywhere twice, they tried calling, they drove around, but Victor wasn't there. His phone was off.

His lawyer, Michael, or Mark, or whatever it was, managed to postpone the trial by spinning a tale about how Victor wasn't feeling well. It was the stress. It was the anxiety. It was the pressure. Maybe the story wasn't entirely fabricated.


Sebastian took them to a nearby restaurant to grab some food, then offered to take them home. They accepted. Once they were back in their room, James sat down and tried contacting Victor again. Nothing.

Ollie was pacing around. He would've crawled on the walls if he had the ability.

"What if he's in danger?" Ollie dragged his hands through his hair, stretching out his curls in desperation. "What if he's hurt. What if –,"

"He's fine," James said. He was seething. He didn't even want to see Victor. "He ran away. And he'll be back. It's not like he has anywhere else to go."

Ollie' pressed his lips together, his brows were furrowed, and he was on the verge of tearing up. "What if he's not fine?"

"I'm sure he is." James didn't like seeing Ollie suffer. He didn't deserve to be tossed in this state of distress because Victor decided to act selfishly.

Ollie sat next to him and grunted. James rubbed his back. He didn't want to say everything that was going through his head. He realized they weren't the best thoughts, and it would probably strain their relationship.

He would probably tell them to Victor.


Hours passed. Night came. Victor was still missing. Ollie was now freaking out, and no words could make him feel any better. James went out to get him hot chocolate and snacks; he was out of ideas. Then they waited some more. Tried texting. Tried calling.

"What if his phone broke?" Ollie said.

James shrugged.

"What if it's out battery?"

James shrugged again.

"What if –,"

"Does it matter why?" James said. "He's not here. He abandoned us and the trial."

"He didn't abandon us." Ollie frowned.

"No?" James looked up from his laptop. "Then what?"

"People are putting too much pressure on him. He didn't want to be there in the first place; he was dragged there against his will, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, and then he left."

Ollie sighed. "James, you don't understand."

"I really don't. I really, really don't. I see it as him fucking off because he didn't like it."

"He didn't fuck off because he didn't like it!" Ollie said, losing his patience.

"Fine," James gave up. "But he could've texted; he could've... I don't know, send an email, anything, really. It's not that hard to say hey, I'm fine, don't worry, I'll be back soon."

Oliver didn't like that, but he didn't press the issue anymore. James didn't want to argue with him over Victor's actions anyway. He hugged Ollie and kissed his temple, telling him that it's going to be all right.


Victor returned three days later. It was dark outside. Freezing cold. Even the branch outside their window was stuck in place. Victor was still dressed in his suit; his hair was messy, and he looked like he had no sleep in the time he was away. He opened the door and stopped mid-step, his eyes falling on James.

James crossed his arms. "What? Surprised to see me here? Here? In our room?"

A moment passed, and Victor remained silent. He stood there, a pale, unsure statue with red-stained eyelids. Snowflakes were melting in his black hair and on the shoulders.

James watched him, overflowing with resentment. "Are you gonna not say anything?" he asked. "Or are you gonna stand there and pretend you can't hear?" He walked up to Victor.

"I don't know what to say," Victor said.

James grabbed his arm, pulled him inside the room, and closed the door. "I can still smell the alcohol on you."

Victor didn't answer.

"Thanks, I love being treated with such –," James waved his hands towards Victor, "whatever the hell this is. Say something!"

"I don't know– I'm sorry, ok?" Victor walked away from him and took off his jacket.

"That all?"

"I – what more do you want?" He frowned, tilting his head.

"A fucking explanation!" James shouted.

Victor twitched, clenching his jaw and closing his eyes.

"Well!?" James continued, not lowering his voice. "You were so fucking close, and you fucked up! Are you happy?"

Victor blinked rapidly as if he was forcing his brain to catch up with what was happening. "No?"


There were a thousand things James wanted to throw into Victor's face, a thousand more to make himself feel better. They were all awful. He had never been this angry at Victor. He knew he loved him, but that was only his rational brain telling him that. He didn't feel it; there were no traces of sympathy, only his bubbling, boiling anger, clouding his eyes and judgment.

"You're an asshole! How could you leave like that!? How could you!? And you closed your fucking phone like the selfish bastard that you are! Ollie was worried out of his mind for you. Do you even care? God, sometimes I hate you so much."

The words hung above their heads; sharp, dangerous knives. An eyeblink later, and the hot blades fell into the back of their necks. They both looked at each other. James wasn't about to back down. He didn't care if Victor's feelings were hurt. He had spent his entire school year twisting himself into knots trying to appease Victor, and he had had enough.

Victor's disappointment was palpable. Or maybe it was sadness. "Stop screaming," he said, lifting one hand defensively. "I can't focus when you scream."

"Stop deflecting. Where were you?" James asked. "What did you do? Were you getting shitfaced while we were trying to contact you? That was so nice of you." James smiled ironically.

"Where's – where's Ollie?"

James shrugged. "You know what? You figure it out," he said and left. 



Author's note<3: 

Someone needs to take a chill pill, right? Do you think James is right? Do you think he's being a dum-dum again? Let me know your thoughts! 

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