Mansfield Park "The Crawfords' redemption"

Chapter 1

As he drove away from Portsmouth towards London, Henry could no longer deceive himself: the sweet tempered and artless girl he had fallen for, whom he had offered to sacrifice his freedom to, did not love him.

On that trip, passing beautiful natural scenery as well as picturesque villages without even seeing them, he finally realised he had been fooled by her mild manners and loving personality into believing himself loved by the sweetest, most tenderhearted creature in existence.

Of course she had not only rejected him when he proposed to her, she had afterwards told him repeatedly that she didn't like his attentions, that she wanted him to stop talking to her about his love and affection, but her manner had not been truly repulsive and without such proof of her dislike his vanity had not been able to accept that an unsophisticated, unspoiled girl like Fanny could resist all his attempts to please her. She had to like him, women always liked him, loved him, tried to hold on to him.

How could it be that he had fallen deeply, hopelessly in love with the one superior creature he could not convince of his honorable intentions? Was this his punishment, for having played with women's feelings all his adult life? For having broken so many hearts with his flippant gallantry, his easy manners? Was the first time he had ever fallen in love himself to be the time he would have his own heart broken for good? He could not imagine a life without her, how could any woman ever live up to her standard, how could he ever fall in love with someone less perfect?

His newly found insight in how things really were between them was a bitter pill to swallow, worse, for it could not be done in but a moment, with only a faint aftertaste of disappointment. No, the realisation that she had been wishing him elsewhere all the time that he had been convinced he was creating a sincere affection in her, was deeply humiliating and genuinely hurtful.

Fanny had not been happy to see him, his coming had embarrassed her, he guessed she thought him indelicate in his expressions of his love for her, as reasonable and as guarded as they seemed to him. He was glad he had chosen to visit as William's friend instead of Fanny's admirer, or his case must have been utterly hopeless by now, the love burning inside him wasted forever.

He flattered himself that she had seemed to look upon him with less disfavor than on his previous visits at Mansfield Park, but he also realized some of those tender feelings might very well have been due to her missing her home exceedingly, despite the careless way she was treated by nearly anyone there, her qualities undervalued or even derided by her relations of inferior temperament and understanding.

Of course Bertram did give her all the love and the most attention he could, but who could compare the value a cousin had for his younger niece to the ardent feelings she had created in him, the need he felt to protect her, the happiness he wanted to give to her?

And Sir Thomas meant well, but his interference on Henry's behalf had done his suit no good, he was certain of that. His sweet, sensitive Fanny had such a fear of her uncle's severity that it had hurt her more than once, her uncle probably urging her to accept an offer that was so advantageous to his family, financially and with regards to connections. Henry had seen her pale complexion, her reddened eyes, on the day after he had asked her uncle for permission to wed his niece.

He was afraid his own persistence and his inablity to understand that all his efforts to please her were having the opposite effect on her sensitive nature, had greatly contributed to her unhappiness.

Well, no more, he could not profess to love someone as ardently as he did this beautiful and morally superior creature, and cause her to retreat from him in pain. She thought him inconsistent, and only steadfast behavior from him was going to prove her wrong, only time could be his friend here. He would have to steel his resolve to win her by virtue instead of gallantry and flattery, taking care to embarrass her as little as possible by his attentions. Gentleness and quietness were going to be the way into her sweet affections.