Mansfield Park "The Crawfords' redemption"

Chapter 6

He entered her room eagerly, his love was still as fresh as it had been before he knew the truth, it had taken such a time for him to give away his heart, he could not take it back instantly, it would be hers yet for a very long time. She was dressed, sat in a chair by the window, and she looked even worse than yesterday, pale, drawn, anguish all over her beautiful features. It was clear that she had slept restlessly, or maybe had been awake early, plagued by thoughts and feelings, maybe even doubting yesterday's decision to get engaged to him.

He checked his own feelings with difficulty, aware that they must be visible in his every feature, possibly causing her discomfort.

But the great advantage of loving someone of great sensibility and delicacy is, that they can relate to other people more easily, and so it was with Fanny, she understood the feelings of love and worry displayed on his face, and she could even value the effort he made to control them when he became aware of them.

He kneeled before her, inviting her to accept his hand, which she gladly did, strange how such smal gesture did indeed relieve the pain a little, and asked her with a low, feeling voice: 'How are you doing, Miss Price, are you holding up?'

She wished he would call her Fanny again, but maybe he was waiting to speak to her uncle before taking such a liberty in public. Or, maybe, he was afraid she'd changed her mind, he did not show his usual sedate, upright posture, he did indeed look uneasy and doubtful. She replied with a steady voice: 'I am as well as I can be, considering the circumstances. It will take time to get my health back. Will you please call me by my given name, Henry? I didn't figure you for a formal husband.'

His expression cleared instantly, his posture straightened, she had seen through him, he even smiled at her unexpected wit, he had been in doubt. And he must be shocked by her appearance, it had shocked even herself, though she could feel the cause in her mind and body.

She spoke again: 'My things have arrived, Susan brought them but I couldn't face her, I'll write to her from Mansfield Park. She deserves my attention, she has been a very good sister to me during my time here, and I don't want to neglect her.'

'I can imagine that, for she seemed a nice, well-tempered girl. Let's have a hearty breakfast and be on our way, Fanny, and see how we will be received in Mansfield Park tomorrow.'

Henry was relieved by her witty comment, finding her still engaged to himself, and apparently in better spirits than yesterday. She really made an effort to eat well, he could see that, and it gave him even more heart for the future. Apparently she was not planning to pine away quietly, which he had been afraid of, having to see her sink into depression and not able to support her. This brave creature he could work on, there would be times of depression of course, but as long as there was sense of humor and will to eat, there was hope.

His own spirits lifted by hers, he dared to look forward to the time ahead, there were so many interesting and fun things to do with her, to show her, if only she would be open to them. 'Can I be just a tiny bit gallant to you in public? I have a reputation to maintain after all,' he asked her, and got a sincere smile as his answer.

And so he held the door of the carriage open for her with a flourish, as the bagage was loaded on the back, and the driver was calming the spirited horses, and he was rewarded with another smile as she entered and seated herself daintily. He could not but admire her carriage, her elegance, despite knowing now how thin she really was, her dress hid her true condition, and for a short moment he was proud to be allowed to call her his fiancee, forgetting for a moment it was just a rational arrangement.

Once they were on their way, leaving Portsmouth behind them, reality intruded again quickly and painfully, as she broke down in the privacy of his carriage, tears starting to leak from her pretty eyes again, falling ever faster, though she stayed upright and dignified, and didn't make any sound.