Damaged Goods

Chapter 9: Confessions

TW: self-harm

You woke to a beeping sound and groaned, you were going to be late for school again. Then everything came flooding back, and you chuckled slightly. It wasn't your alarm going off.

Wait, if it wasn't your alarm going off, then what was that beeping sound? You opened your eyes and quickly looked around to get your bearings. You were in some sort of hospital room, and you were connected to a heart monitor. That explained the beeping, at least.

At the corner of your bed you saw Charles sitting in his wheelchair, either asleep or resting his eyes. Resting his eyes, it turned out, as he opened them when you called his name softly.

"Where am I?"

"The health center of Mr. Stark's tower, he let me stay here because I'm your boyfriend," Charles responded, brushing his thumb over your hand (and suddenly this is a Charles Xavier x reader).

"Charles," you began. How would you tell him that you realized that you don't love him?

"I know," he cut you off, "Mr. Stark wanted to know exactly what went wrong so while you were sleeping I looked through your most recent memories. I'm sorry for intruding upon your privacy."

"It's alright, I trust you," you assured him, "How long was I out?"

"Two days," said Loki, standing in the doorway.

"Tell him," Charles said into your head, giving you a look as he left.

You nodded at him before turning to Loki.

"Loki," you began.

"No, y/n, I have something to tell you," he said, cutting you off, "When you came back from the mission unconscious, I realized something. I care about you more deeply than I thought I could care about any mortal. Y/n, I really care for you."

"That's what I was going to tell you, if you had let me speak," you told him, "As I was passing out, my last thought was that if I died, I would never be able to tell you that I loved you! I love you, Loki."

He pulled back, a look of disgust on his face.

"Love? You think I love you? I care for you, yes, but I don't love you. I could never fall for a mere mortal. Additionally, I'm destined to marry Sigyn," he spat, as if the word itself tasted foul.

You recoiled as if slapped. You were confused, hadn't he just told you that he loved you? This didn't make sense. You watched as the god left, unshed tears blurring your vision slightly.

Suddenly, you heard your favourite song come on, and you smiled slightly.

"Thanks, Fri," you said. She always knew how to cheer you up when you were feeling down. Pulling off the heart monitor, you got out of bed and made your way into the hallway. Getting in the elevator, you asked Friday to take you to where everyone is. You would teleport, but you didn't have enough energy yet.

"We are at the main area, y/n," Friday informed you.

Putting on a brave smile, you thanked her and stepped out of the elevator as she opened the doors.

You were greeted with a chorus of 'y/n's and 'should you be out of bed yet's, making you smile as Anna and Liz rushed to hug you, followed by Sam and Peter. Everyone gave you a hug or well wish, minus Loki, with Thor bringing up the rear.

"Lady y/n, thank goodness you're finally awake! I was informed that it isn't normal for a Midgardian to sleep that long," Thor boomed, picking you up in a big bear-hug.

"Put me down, I can't breathe!" you chuckled, then assured him when he got worried he had actually hurt you.

After assuring the team that you were fine, just tired, you made your way to your room. Closing the door, you finally let yourself break down.

*trigger warning: self-harm, if you want to skip it, it goes to the end of the chapter*

Leaving the lights in your room off, you took your pocket knife out of your nightstand drawer. You went into the bathroom, locked the door, and turned on the lights. Sinking to the floor, you opened the blade of the knife.

Pulling it along your skin, you watched fascinated as the cool metal split the skin with only slight tugging. You felt no pain, but a slight tingling in the blade's path, the little cuts filling with red blood almost immediately.

Repeating the process, you watched entranced as delicate red lines crossed your skin, and still you felt no pain.

"Friday?" you asked, "Why don't I feel? It's just emptiness and pain inside, but only tingling when I cut myself?"

You were suddenly exhausted, so you folded the knife, and slipping into your pajamas you went to bed.

~~~

Word count: 803

PSA: if you or anyone you know is self-harming, please reach out to someone. There are numbers and crisis text-lines that are confidential. Here is a link to one text line for the States, I don't know if it works outside the country, but I'm sure it doesn't hurt to try: https://www.crisistextline.org/help-for-self-harm/ Stay safe guys!

-Liz