Let Life Surprise You ✔

19. Unraveling Facts

Chloe stares at me, a mix of curiosity and resentment flashing in her emerald green eyes. She then mumbles, "Okay." With that, she puts back on the lid of the marker in her hand and neatly places it on the coffee table.

I wait until she snuggles comfortably next to me. "Can I ask again why you hate Ethan Watkins?"

"You know why. It's because he left you and that is mean," she answers in a hardened tone. She's been giving me the same answer every time I asked this, but deep down I know she resents the father figure because of his absence in her life.

"Umm. Well..." I clear my throat before continuing, "Adult people have arguments. Sometimes, they can't find a common ground and decide to take separate ways, so that they don't have to keep fighting and be sad all the time."

"But he left when you still loved him, Mama."

I wince inwardly. When Chloe asked this question for the first time, I still held the tiny bit of hope that Ethan would come back to find me. Just as Taylor Dayne said in her song, Love Will Lead You Back. But after five years, I started to accept that the song wasn't for me.

"Yeah, but that was not the only reason he left." When Chloe looks up at me with a confused look, I add, "I also made a mistake that pushed him away."

"What mistake?"

I bite my lower lip, thinking about what kind of answer I will give her. What mistake exactly? Was sleeping with someone else after getting ditched by my boyfriend a mistake? Was the decision to carry on with the pregnancy a mistake?

"Well, for me, it wasn't a mistake. But he saw it as one back in the day." I click my tongue as an idea flashes in my mind. "Something like when we do the dishwashing together. I don't find throwing everything into the dishwasher not in a proper order a problem, but it always bugs you. Imagine if I never listened to you or let you rearrange them, what would you do?"

Chloe purses her lips and shrugs. "Then I don't want to help anymore, and just go see my cartoon."

"Exactly. You would leave because you can't stand the way I do the dishwashing."

Chloe frowns, looking deep into her own thoughts. "But I don't go and leave the house and never come back, I just go to see my cartoon."

"Well, it's just a small example, but what Ethan Watkins and I had was more than just a dishwashing problem, sweetie. It was uh... adult stuff that gave lots of headaches."

"Still, if he loved you he wouldn't leave. Just as you said all the time, no matter how naughty I am, you will never leave me, because you love me."

Chloe is probably right about Ethan shouldn't having left me if he loved me, but the comparison she's making isn't apple to apple. What I have for her is nothing like what he had for me for sure.

"First of all, when a boy and a girl fall in love, they can fall out of love and then break up. But mother's love doesn't work that way." I smile at her before giving her a peck on the forehead. "Mama will never fall out of love with you. Ever."

Chloe's lips curl into a smile as her eyes twinkle. "Okay."

"Second of all," I say as I take a deep breath, "I have a confession to make."

My daughter's head snaps in my direction. "What did you do? Were you being naughty?" she asks, repeating the same exact line I gave her every time she said she had a confession to make.

"Yes. Very naughty," I reply. "I... lied to you... about who your father is." When the smile on Chloe's face falters and confusion takes over, I close my eyes. I need to do it now or never. "Ethan Watkins is not your father."