A Silence to Remember (manxman)

Chapter 10

Dominick

My parents assumed David and I were good friends. I claimed our love of punk music brought us together. Every other week, I went on a 'date' with Crystal to make our relationship look legitimate, but most of the time I ended up with David, sometimes in his room. Other times we'd go for long walks or rollerblading. He was super athletic and super hot.

My parents let David stay with us in Chatham for a week. He slept in the guest bedroom, although I'd often sneak into his room in the middle of the night. After a little fun, I'd return to my room. That summer, the summer before my senior year of high school, I visited Provincetown for the first time.

With David, I got into clubs. I'd never gone clubbing before. Josh had told me all about clubs in Provincetown, and I never pictured myself in one. I'd never been around so many gorgeous men in my entire life. For the first time, I could be myself, not worried about what anyone thought of me. It also helped that I had such a handsome date. On the dance floor, David ground against me, occasionally kissing me. It was awesome, but my parents didn't think it was so awesome, not when I came home at two in the morning. Before now, my parents never worried about me. They never found out I took the bus from Belmont to Framingham at fifteen years old, nearly a two hour bus ride. Until that summer, I'd never gotten in trouble.

At nine in the morning, while David continued to sleep, I raided the refrigerator downstairs, ignoring my dad at the table. Slightly hung over, I sat with my bagel and cream cheese. I wished David hadn't bought me so many cocktails.

"Where were you last night?" my dad asked.

I took a bite out of my bagel before responding. "Out."

"Out where?"

"Out with David." That's all he needed to know. I'd never tell him I was partying at a gay club.

My dad eyed me suspiciously. "You're seventeen and too young to be out until two in the morning. Don't do it again or David has to go home."

"It's the summer. Give me a break."

"You're seventeen," he repeated. "He's twenty-one. What the hell were you doing?"

"Having fun for once."

"You can have fun without staying out all night."

In an adolescent huff, I stormed off with my bagel.

I wouldn't let my parents stop me from having fun. David took me to Provincetown again. We spent the entire day there, swimming in the non-nude section of a beach, followed by dinner, followed by another night of dancing. To make my parents somewhat happy, we were home by midnight.

I wouldn't let David do it to me, but I was willing to do it to him. This summer I had grown up. I did things with David I'd never done with Josh, things he was dying to do with me, but I was never ready. Maybe I'd do it with Josh if given the chance, but I'd never do it in his room. He'd likely get expelled if we were caught, and he loved school. My first time was far from graceful. David instructed me on what to do, but I still only lasted a minute. The second time was so much better, for both me and David. To stifle his moans, I pushed his head into the pillow, my lips clamped on the side of his neck.

I liked David, but I wouldn't say I was in love with him. Still, I didn't want to say goodbye to him. A week after our Chatham vacation, David left for school. Sadness, loneliness, and emptiness settled in. Both Crystal and Robbie tried to cheer me up, but I didn't want to be cheered up.

Some days I was so lonely I didn't want to be alive anymore. It was a horrible feeling, one that I had grown accustomed to feeling. Emptiness.

But I carried on, pretending I was fine. That's what I did best: pretend.