A Silence to Remember (manxman)

Chapter 7

Dominick

Pretending was difficult, especially with my best friend's obsession with girls. Robbie stole a bunch of nudie mags from his older brother and showed them to me proudly as if I'd be into that sort of thing. He had no reason to believe I wouldn't be into it.

As we lay on my bedroom floor, gawking at all the naked pictures, I could have won an Oscar for my performance. Women—even naked women—did nothing for me. I nevertheless went along with it, listening to Robbie say such things as 'Look at her' or 'I'd never get a girl like you,' he said to me.

I'd become somewhat of a football star in school. I never expected I'd make such a great safety. Because of that, everyone presumed I'd date a cheerleader.

But that never happened.

Instead of Playboy, I swiped a Playgirl magazine from the local convenience store. This was before such magazines were kept behind store counters. I had fun jerking off to the centerfold.

Robbie just started going out with Stephanie, who he met at a record store downtown. She was a senior in high school and wore all black to match her hair and Doc Martens. While her parents were away, Stephanie invited Robbie and I to hang out with her and her sister, Liana. Robbie begged me to go with him. He could be relentless, so I finally caved and agreed to go.

"Just do me this solid," Robbie said as I stared down at my half-written letter to Josh. Desperate to lose his virginity, Robbie had been going on and on about this for hours as I thought about the events of last weekend. Josh was totally okay with who he was, but I wasn't okay. Sometimes I blamed Josh as if he was to blame for my attraction to guys. Naive and stupid, I occasionally thought that if he and I hadn't been cabin mates, then I wouldn't be like I am.

"I don't want to," I said for the millionth time. "What am I going to do while you get it on with your girlfriend?"

"You can brag and tell Josh you lost your virginity."

My friendship with Josh wasn't a secret, but I never told him Josh and I were more than friends. Robbie wasn't ready to hear that. I let him believe I was as crazy about girls as he was.

"What if I don't want to lose my virginity? I mean, I don't know this girl."

"Her name's Liana and she's sixteen. That's all you need to know. You'll meet her Saturday night."

"Fine, but that doesn't mean I'm sleeping with her."

Stephanie lived twenty minutes away in the neighboring town of Arlington. Robbie, who was older than me and had his license, borrowed his dad's car and drove us to the nearby rich suburb. It was almost as affluent as me and Robbie's.

I wasn't sure who bought the beer, but there was a fridge full of it. I hated beer, so I drank Coke. Liana was the opposite of her sister: fair with strawberry blond hair that hung down her back. She was beautiful, but I felt no spark of attraction. We sat around the living room, drinking. I was the only one drinking Coke.

Liana snuggled up beside me on the cozy, two-seat couch while Stephanie and Robbie lounged on the opposite sofa. Stephanie and Robbie became drunker and drunker as the night progressed until finally they were making out.

"Virgins are so cute," Liana said. Was she referring to both me and Robbie? He was a virgin, too, but pretended he wasn't. She wanted what I didn't want. She placed her hand on my thigh and slid it inward. Instantly, I jumped to my feet. As hard as I tried, I couldn't pretend to like that girl. I didn't want her touching me. I wanted to get the hell out of there. Liana acted like I'd just slapped her.

"What's wrong with your friend?" Stephanie asked, breaking away from Robbie. "Is he a fag or something?"

"What did you say?" Robbie said.