The Heart That Beats For Her || jenlisa

Chapter Twenty-four

"Do you know what piece you want to show her?" Chittip enthusiastically questions, practically squirming in her seat with excitement as they finish with their dinner.

"Well..." Lisa fiddles with her napkin as a distraction while she talks the blush back down from staining her cheeks and selling her out. "I have a collection that I want to present to her. It would be phenomenal if she wanted the entire collection to hang in her gallery, but I'll be over the moon if she picks just one."

"You are fidgeting, are you that nervous?" Her mother chuckles. "Now, I maybe bias because you are my daughter, but your work is exquisite, breathtaking. There is no way that woman, Mal, will reject your art."

"Thanks, mom. I really appreciate all your support over the years," she earnestly says, brightening up her mother's smile into a blinding beam because finally, they are back to normal.

Obviously, moving out was best for their relationship and neither one can deny that. She has never felt closer to her mother and at the end of the day, she respects her mother and is so grateful for everything she has ever done for her.

"So...are you going to show us the collection? Or are you going to make us wait until it's on display for the entire city to see?"

"I have some...kinks I need to work out first and then I will show you...on one condition," she sternly demands, narrowing her eyes, but her mother eagerly nods along with a sappy grin stretching into her cheeks. "You have to keep an open-mind."

"Lalisa," Chittip gasps, "I am always open-minded, am I not? Wasn't I the one who took you to your first gay bar?"

Lisa bursts out laughing, she honestly forgot about that time in her life over ten years ago now. "Oh," she laughs, rubbing her eyes to stop the tears of joy that will certainly come from reminiscing. "You got hit on so much that night."

"It was nice to see I had options."

"Yeah, but Rosie put us both to shame," she chuckles.

"I think that girl's tongue was in every mouth that batted their eyes at her," her mother giggles, encouraging their carefree laughter to take over the moment of uncertainty Lisa was feeling. "So, I'm cool," she smugly replies, winking playfully at her daughter.

"Yup, so cool," she proceeds to laugh, wringing the napkin tightly around her fingers beneath the table as she works up the courage.

"Come on, tell me about this collection."

"Well...I was thinking of calling it, A Night Amongst the Stars." She blinks, her eyes flicking up to gauge her mother's reaction and of course, the older woman is nodding excitedly and practically glowing with anticipation. Lisa scrunches her nose and shrugs so nervously. "It's a collection of very tasteful photographs of Jennie beneath the stars."

"Tasteful?"

She swallows the mass of nerves swelling in the back of her throat. "Yeah," and damn her voice for cracking and expressing how anxious she truly is to share this with her mother. "She's...bare, but she's mostly covered up by a very well placed sheet. There is only one of her completely nude, but it's her backside, mostly her silhouette," she quickly rambles.

"And has Jennie consented to these photographs of her being displayed for the world to see?" Chittip kindly asks, not at all judgmental and finally Lisa can release the breath she has been holding.

"No," she doesn't even have the chance to finish before her mother is narrowing her eyes. "But listen, I'm trying to edit and finish them before I ask her. I want to hang them up in my apartment, like how the gallery would display them and then show them to her, so she can see the beauty in them. I promise they are tastefully done and I would never show anyone unless I have her consent."

"Is that the kink you have to work out?"

"Yeah," she exhales slowly, wrapping the napkin awfully tight around her finger, " but I really think she's going to love them. They are so beautiful and just one look and you can feel the inner peace washing over you. Every thought sort of vanishes from your mind and you're left in this tranquil silence that brings a sense of calm from the glowing moon and sparkling stars that are just as important in the photographs."

"Well, I can't wait to see them."
"Seriously?"

"Yes, they sound breathtaking," her mother wholeheartedly says. "So long as Jennie agrees."

"I know," she breathes in relief, straightening her posture in the chair now that she has some of her confidence back.

"How are things going between you two?" Chittip gently asks, slowly sipping her tea and regarding Lisa awfully close.

As if on reflex, Lisa’s eyes dart to the phone that is silently sitting beside her, refusing to brighten up her day. "Uh...the last three months have been incredible," she dreamily replies, "but the last three weeks have been...extraordinary, beyond belief."

"I sense a but..."

"No, I just never thought I could feel this connected to another human. It's...unbelievable. I have spent my life watching you and dad and how in love you two are and I thought it was like a once in a lifetime thing, like I could never be so lucky. I thought it was unrealistic with all my problems, but then Jennie came along and she's my best friend, my soulmate. I love her so much," she raves, and she can only imagine how enormous her sappy grin is from merely speaking of the woman.

Chittip stretches across the table to place her gentle hand upon Lisa’s, but she's still fidgeting beneath the table. "Lisa, honey, all I ever wanted was for you to lead a normal life, free from the worry of hospitals, surgeries, and doctors. I wanted you to be able to find your passion and be happy or miserable in your career, really didn't matter so long as you were allowed to work like others," she chuckles, inspiring a laugh to bubble out from Lisa’s frown. "I wanted you to fall in love and experience the mundane days of life. And I'm so proud of you. You fought so hard in life and you deserve all the happiness in the world, baby," she states, her eyes glossing over from the overwhelming emotions, but she doesn't cry this time around.
"Thanks, I really am so happy with her."

"I still sense that but," her mother sing-songs.

"Well, for one, she is moving to Cali soon."

"And I'm sure you two will figure something out," and Lisa truly believes in those words and she also hears the underlying message that vows her parents will support her if she decides to follow her heart.

"Thanks."

"But...." her mother prompts once again.

"The one year anniversary of her husband's death is coming up and she is very clearly struggling," she exasperates, but it feels so good to finally say that out loud to someone.

"How so?"

"She's hiding away in her house, a house she hates because she says it feels haunted to her now. As the days creep closer, I hear less and less from her and I know it's her guilt encouraging her to put some space between us, but I just want to help."

"And you will. You always find a way, no matter how many obstacles are obstructing your goal."

"I know, but this one is tricky. I want to support her and hold her to make sure she feels safe, but I also know she needs time and space to work through all of this on her own. She needs me with her just as much as she needs me to stay away."

"I don't really know how to offer advice on this particular circumstance, but trust your heart. Whatever you feel is best in that situation, follow your instincts, they will guide you."
Lisa sighs, glancing back at the phone that refuses to show her Jennie’s name. "I'll try," she murmurs, but they both know she's still feeling defeated.



_
Jennie curls into the tightest ball her body can manage against the arm of the couch and pulls the blanket up to her chin. The roaring fire is useless at this point because the damn snow has been falling for god only knows how many hours now. She knows those wet snowflakes are from the angels above, their tears from all the weeping to remember the day. Today, she will remain cold, dead inside, there is no warming her bones with the ghosts that haunt her, clinging to her in desperation.

From beneath her cave, she swallows a large gulp of red wine, praying that it will wash away her sorrows. It's all becoming too much; the sound of shattering glass shrieking in her mind, the sound of his laughter echoing down the halls, the image of his sparkling smile and wholesome brown eyes. She finishes off her glass and sneaks her arm out of the blanket to dispose of the glass.

She knew this day would be hard, but this...this is pure torture.

Unexpectedly, there is a very distinct noise coming from outside...a shovel scraping against the driveway. Her brows furrow in consideration, knowing Mino was the one to always shovel the driveway when it snowed and for a split second her heart is a fool and leaps at the prospect of seeing him again. Yet, her mind is all too aware and berates her other half for being such an imbecile.

She listens closely, and if she's not mistaken, it sounds like two shovels, working in sync. Her limbs feel extra heavy this evening, but she forces herself to leave the comfort of her sofa and investigate. She tugs the blanket securely around her frozen body and trudges her socked feet toward the window. She pries the closed blinds apart to discover a winter wonderland right outside her home. Even though it's after six o'clock at night and the world is engulfed in darkness, the snow is brightening up the scene before her.

She scans the premises and locates Lisa and her father shoveling her driveway. She winces from the pressure in her heart, all too aware how she has been avoiding the woman as of lately. She can't find the courage to open the door and invite them in, but she also can't peel her eyes away from the scene.

Father and daughter appear to be enjoying themselves beside the heavy task in front of them. Jennie notices how they share the same crooked smile as they laugh and converse so merrily. Lisa’s father even tosses a snowball at her, but it's not like it matters, the snow is falling so hard that they are both decorated in flakes.

Lisa and Marco manage to shovel away half of the driveway before doe eyes are seeking out the sad widow hidden away. When Lisa finds Jennie observing from a safe distance, she immediately stops shoveling, flashes her most adorable grin, and waves. She wants to wave back, she wants to feel joy again, but she can't move, she can't even convince one corner of her mouth to twitch as a half smile.

Lisa motions for her to come out, but Jennie’s fingers fall away from the blinds and she remains rooted in place. The last thing she wants to do is push Lisa away, but she feels so numb. So damn cold. She feels the ominous weight of guilt seeping from her heart and poisoning her blood. It's dark, haunting, hollow and it's swallowing her whole. She can see the world dimming out around her and it's more than frightening.

She pulls the blanket around her even tighter and shuffles back to the couch. As she sits back down into her depressing hole, she finds her phone glowing in the dark. One missed call. She peeks over and reads Jisoo’s name across the screen. She doesn't react in any way and that's what scares her most.

She rests her head against the arm of the sofa and hides away in her cocoon. Her eyes start to feel a little too heavy, and the moment her eyelids droop, she sees him. More specifically, the first time they ever met in the library, forms in her mind. That dashing, yet shy smile that swept her off her feet. She jumps, forcing her eyes open because she doesn't want to drown in his memory tonight.

Yet, his laugh, she can still hear it booming through the halls and she is transported back in time to when they first purchased their home. The kitchen, she was so in love with it. She can still feel the way he wrapped his strong arms around her and spun her around. He was chuckling, laughing at her for obsessing over the kitchen. He planted her down on the marble kitchen island and....

"Fuck," she whimpers, aggressively running her fingers through her hair to create a new pain that will trump the old wounds oozing tonight.

She uses her fingers to swipe at her nose and then plucks her phone from the coffee table. She scrolls through her recent contacts and dials without truly comprehending her actions.

"Hi, love."

"Hey," and her voice is so distorted, so utterly broken that she swears it's not her speaking.

"Hold on, babe, gimme one second..."

"I'm sorry, are you with Tink?" She asks, sniffling away the tears that are falling faster than the snow outside.

"Aye," Kai confirms and she can just hear the smile in his voice and she really is so happy he found someone. "Nothing like staying in from the snow, in front of a fire and getting Chinese," he chuckles, but her mouth can't find the strength to laugh along.

"Tell her I said hi."

"Jennie says hi," he repeats and then Jennie can hear Tink's voice, loud and clear, like she's leaning into the phone.
"Hi, Jennie!"

"So, what's up, love?" Kai sweetly asks, even though she's sure he can hear the sorrow in her tone and calculate where her head is at tonight.

"Please tell me how the first anniversary of Krystal’s passing went for you," she implores, not able to stop the sob that breaks through from her chest once she gets the words out.

Kai sighs heavily. "Ah. That's tonight. Well, I was a disgusting mess," he confesses and she actually snorts at this. She either laughs or she bursts into uncontrollable tears at this point. "I drowned my sorrows in too many bottles of rum, ignored the world and smelled like a proper pirate." She smiles, actually smiles to know she's not alone in this miserable world. And because he knows she's smiling, he continues. "Yang, he broke every piece of glass in his house. Destroyed everything. During his fit of rage, he chucked his wife's favorite mug across the room and then spent hours crying and gluing it back together."

She sighs, a little more pressure lifting off her chest.

"Tyuzu, went on a humping conquest, sleeping with everything that even glanced her way. And Joy, she refused to leave her bed. She laid there for seven days, refusing to eat, to shower, she just cried and slept."

"I think I'm somewhere between you and Joy."

"That's good."

"Good?" She balks, flabbergasted and somewhat appalled that he would accept that news as good.

"Aye. You need to feel, to grieve, to mourn. Don't bottle that up inside until you explode and have some mental breakdown. Drink, cry, break shit, whatever you gotta do to heal...to feel," he stresses and she feels like someone just shook her awake.

"Okay," she confidently agrees, using her sleeves to clear the liquid pouring from her face.

"Okay? Just like that? I helped?" He innocently questions and this time she does laugh.

"Yes, you helped. You're right, I need to allow myself to get all these emotions out."

"Aye! Do you want company? Tink and I could meet you for some food or drinks, probably just drinks so you can pour your heart out-"

"No, that's quite alright. I appreciate the offer, but I think I need to do this alone."

"Alright, but promise you'll call if you need to vent."

"I promise," she vows and with that they say their goodbyes.

And Jennie’s about to head upstairs, curl into a ball and sob until she has nothing left, but she distinctly hears her front door opening.

"Jennie?" She takes one deep breath from the boisterous voice booming through her home. "Jen-, there you are," Jisoo exhales in what feels like utter relief when she spots Jennie hiding in the dark. "Did you know there is a hot piece of ass shoveling your driveway?"

"Don't talk about Lisa like that," she grumbles, pulling her blanket up to her chin once again.
"Lisa?" Her sister squawks and plops down on the couch beside her. "I was talking about the man she dragged along."

Regina's face scrunches in disgust as she turns to glare at her older sister. "Marco? That is Lisa’s father."

"He is one gorgeous specimen."

"He's married."

"Meh. Not like that's stopped me before."

"Don't you dare, Ji-"

"I'm just teasing...although, he can't be more than ten years older..."

"He's exactly ten years older, but he's off limits. You can't screw my girlfriend's father," she growls.

"Ah, so she is your girlfriend," Jisoo stresses, intently gauging Jennie’s reaction against the fake flames glowing from the fireplace.

"Of course she is," she spits right back.

"Then why are you treating her like the help?"

"What?" She scoffs, shooting daggers at her sister for her big and intrusive mouth.

"Jennie, the woman came over here during a snowstorm to shovel your damn driveway and you don't even have the decency to invite her in? And she's your girlfriend?" The redhead squawks like a damn parakeet.