Lipstick

Chapter 11: Moody Mauve

"What has gotten into you?" Josie pushes me back a second time as I kiss her.

"What? I thought you wanted this?" I kiss her again.

"You've been in a weird mood lately." She holds me back.

"Have not," I defend myself.

"Ever since we got caught at school you've been weird. First, you don't want anyone to know anything. Then you start flirting with me and holding hands in public. Now you're attacking me every chance you get. I can't keep up. You're giving me whiplash."

"Shut up and kiss me." I lean down and kiss her.

She kisses me once, twice, three times before pushing me away again.

"I'm sorry but I can't. You feel off to me. What's the big deal why you rushing into everything all of a sudden? Weren't you the one that said practice restraint?"

"That was then, this is now." I frown.

"What changed from then to now?"

"Ugh! Can't you just shut up and kiss me?" I pout.

"Why are you acting like this?" she sits up on my bed and pushes me off.

"Why are you acting like this!? I thought you wanted me, now you don't? Talk about whiplash."

"I do want you, but not like this. It feels like you are forcing it."

"I'm not."

She eyes me.

"I'm not," I say again.

"Then waiting won't hurt you."

"Maybe I don't want to wait anymore."

"Why?"

"Because!"

"Because?"

"Ugh!"

"I can do this all day." She shrugs.

"Whatever, just forget it." I get off the bed and pull my pants back on.

"Kat, I'm just saying you attacking me first and practically getting naked within the first five minutes isn't normal behavior for you. My alarm bells and red flags are going haywire. What's going on?"

"Nothing," I slip my shirt back on.

She grabs me and pulls me back into her arms, forcing me to lay back down with her.

"Talk to me." She says.

"No." I huff.

"Are you nervous? Is that what this is? You trying to conquer your fear?"

I sigh and stare off at the wall, refusing to answer.

"You don't have to be nervous. I'll take it slow."

I feel my cheeks heat up.

"Talk to me," she begs.

"I just want to know. I want to get it over with." I turn to face her.

"Know?"

"Know if I like girls like I like boys."

"So you think having sex with me will be this great awakening moment for you?"

"No, I—it's hard to explain. When I look at girls, I don't get butterflies or think she's cute. I just see a girl. But... I don't know if that's how I really feel, or if that's just how I was raised to feel. Nature versus nurture. I want to know if deep down, maybe... maybe I do like girls."