A Simple Guide to Overthrowing an Empire

A Top Secret Mission

"You, scientist drone!"

"My tallest!" Dib gave his leaders a deep bow, only rising out of it at the flick of Red's hand.

"We have a mission for you, scientist drone...?" Purple leaned in close to him, cocking his head in question.

"Dib, sirs," Dib gave a short salute, very nearly missing Purple's face.

"Yes, well we have some unretrieved assets on a faraway planet called 'Earth,' some stuff a rogue invader—"

"Very dangerous rogue invader!" Purple interrupted Red, his eyes betraying more fear than Dib expected.

"Very dangerous indeed, but he has a knack for destruction, and his," Red paused, trying to come up with the right word, "creations... may come in handy."

"With all due respect, my Tallest," Dib gulped, "Don't you think this is a job more well-suited to an invader? Or some sort of... special forces?"

"They wouldn't know what to look for," Red shook his head. "Zim is a special kind of stupid, and your supervisor Gragh tells us that you're exceptionally perceptive."

"I'm not military trained at all! What do i do if i—"

"You'll be fine!" Purple interrupted him, "We've prepared you a ship already, this mission is of the utmost importance."

"I— I really don't—"

"Would you rather be banished? There's an opening on planet Dirt, I heard." Red exchanged a look with Purple, and Dib frantically shook his head.

"No! No, no, I'll— I guess I'll be off, then. Thank you for the... opportunity, my Tallest! I will find these weapons of mass destruction for the glory of the Empire!"

"That's what we like to hear," Purple grinned, "Now, off with you!"

Dib wasn't about to be told twice, gathering his meager possessions and stuffing them into his PAK before scurrying to the dock, where Gragh was waiting with his new ship. Simple mission, in and out, he'd be back to his normal life in a matter of days.

If he wasn't killed by this 'Zim' first.

~

"Gir?! Are you ready for school or not?" Zim paced in front of the door. His little brother was always holding him back. Today it was because he refused to eat the breakfast Zim made and insisted on waffles drowned in syrup and sugar. He shuddered at the image of the kid stuffing his face with the sticky, sickly sweet excuse for food. "Gir!" he barked again, "School, now!"

"Sorry!" Gir called from somewhere within the house, clearly not sorry. His brother barrelled into him a few seconds later, messy as always. Zim honestly wondered how Gir still had more friends than he did, despite his state of ongoing chaos.

"Sure you are," Zim sighed, shifting his backpack and opening the door, "Come on, let's not be—"

"Are you... Zim?" There was a stranger on his doorstep. A complete stranger who knew his name .

"Wha— no?!" Zim panicked, shoving Gir back into the house and slamming the door in the stranger's face.

"Who was that?" Gir poked his tongue out, going to stare out the window. Zim tackled him to the ground.

"Nobody good," Zim growled, keeping Gir pinned to the ground while he cautiously raised just high enough to spy out the window. The stranger was still there, awkwardly rocking back on his heels and looking around. He was donned in a long white coat with an unfamiliar emblem on the breast pocket. Zim narrowed his eyes, trying to place the insignia. "We're not going to school today, Gir. Go... go upstairs, or something."

"I wanna meet the man!"

"No you don't, Gir! Upstairs! Now!"

"Fine," Gir grumbled. Zim let his little brother get up, and the kid reluctantly dragged himself upstairs to his room.

The stranger knocked on the door again, "Hello? I didn't mean to scare you. Zim?"

"Uhh, nobody's home!" Zim called, trying to think of a plan. He pulled a notebook from his backpack, scribbling down various ideas.

Home Alone traps?

Give Gir the rest of his Halloween candy and set him loose.

Call the poli—

"This is the... home inspection... crew." The stranger at the door tried again, interrupting Zim's scheming. "We need to inspect your.... Home?"

"For what?" Zim called back, narrowing his eyes at the pad of paper on his lap. He tried to remember where he'd stashed Gir's halloween candy.

"Oh, you know, the usual..."

"The usual what ?" This 'home inspection' guy was starting to get on his nerves.

"Let me in so I can—" The home inspector stopped himself, and spoke again in a much

calmer tone, "Please, it'll be quick."

Zim glanced from the notepad to the door, and made up his mind. "Oh...kay. Give me just a moment to... tidy up?" Zim frantically dashed around. Bucket, check. He turned on the faucet and put the bucket in the sink, filling it up with water. What else, what else? Zim looked around the kitchen, eyes landing on Gir's abandoned breakfast. Bacon and eggs. He gingerly grabbed the bacon with a napkin and crept toward the door.