A Simple Guide to Overthrowing an Empire

A Blast from the Past

"Computer?" Dib tried, pacing around the house. Zim was stalking him with his eyes, both curious and fearful. Gir had escaped his master's clutches and was parading around behind Dib, freezing every time he turned to look at him.

"Voice input not authorized," Zim's house computer replied, startling the shorter Irken again. "Identify yourself or be ejected!"

"Dib," he hesitated, what else was he supposed to say? He stood still for a scan as a robotic arm descended from the ceiling, caking the room and its occupants with years worth of dust.

"Irken Dib..." the computer muttered. Dib felt something lodge into his PAK. Were all invader level computers this thorough? "Scientist drone..." The computer fell silent, no doubt processing all of the information in his PAK. Dib vaguely wondered if it could think and make decisions independent of its master. "Voice control... authorized. For the sake of the mission."

"The sake of the— what the hell is going on here? Why is there a ROBOT VOICE in my house?!" Zim finally stood up, having gathered the courage to address the situation at hand. "You! Alien! Why are you talking to my... house? Can somebody please tell me what is happening ?"

"You're a—" Dib was cut off rather rudely by the computer, who violently ripped the scanner from his PAK, throwing Dib to the floor.

"There is nothing to worry about," the home computer seemed strained, if a disembodied robot voice could feel such a way. "You and Gir were sick and couldn't make it to school. This man is a doctor here to help you feel better."

"A doctor?!" Zim grabbed at his head in exasperation, "Why does he—" Zim's eyes glazed over, and he fell to the floor. Moments later, he woke up, just as confused, but looking at Dib with curiosity rather than fear. "A doctor..." Zim pushed himself up to his feet, "I'm sick... can't..." Zim yawned, dragging himself to the couch where he promptly collapsed.

"What did you do to him?!" Dib called up at the computer. In response, he was flung to the ground as the floor opened beneath him, revealing an elevator shaft. The lights flickered and a substantial layer of dust covered the elevator chamber. Without a word, the elevator was sent careening down to the depths of the earth. Evidently Zim's base was still intact, if unused.

"What did you do to him?" Dib asked again when the elevator let him out at the main lab. He wandered around, brushing dust off of dials and tools. This stuff was outdated, but not by that far. He still knew Irkens set in their old ways, insistent on using malfunctioning hardware from Operation Impending Doom II. Even so, there were still some marvels of technological prowess here. A mechadoomer loomed in one corner of the lab like a chicken-legged zombie from another era, on the table in front of him was a project abandoned halfway through. The notes beside it denoted its intended use, a remote piloting device programmed to latch on to the Massive's power core. A note at the bottom of the schematic explained how the Tallest needed to be present for Zim's 'latest evil masterpiece,' and that this would be the thing he needed to get them to finally show up.

"Computer?" Dib asked again, after finishing his cursory scan of the labs, "What happened?"

The computer didn't respond, but the massive monitor dominating the room flared to life.

~

"Computer!" Zim paced the labs, they were much cleaner, and the unfinished Massive remote control was sitting on a table in the background. A SIR unit, Gir, most likely, bounced around behind Zim, entertaining itself with just about anything it could find. "Contact the Tallest. I want to give them one last chance to come willingly."

"Fine," the computer grumbled. Zim's face lit up in pink as the monitor he faced attempted to contact their leaders.

"What is it, Zim?" Dib recognised Tallest Red's voice, and he saw the Tallest reflected in Zim's eyes. Neither looked happy to see him.