A Simple Guide to Overthrowing an Empire

Nobody Explodes. Yet.

Dib was startled out of his focused stupor by a chime from across the room. He glanced at the clock on the primary monitor to find that, yes it had been two hours. A green bar and giant smile signified the data transfer completion. Dib got up and made his way to the deactivated SIR unit and its newly restored memory chip. Hopefully this wouldn't go too disastrously.

Inserting the chip in the SIR unit was easy. Turning it on was also, in theory, easy. But Dib's hand hesitated over the switch regardless. There was no telling what the SIR would do, no amount of planning could account for Gir's inherent chaos. Combined with Zim? It was a death sentence waiting to happen, but the computer never stopped him, so Dib could only assume he was on track. He flicked the unit on and stepped away, just in case.

"Gir, reporting for— doody" The robot turned to him and saluted, eyes flashing red before returning to their normal cyan. It screeched out a laugh, "Doody!" It repeated. Dib already regretted every choice that had led him to this moment.

"Gir, relay your prime directive."

"Uhhh," The robot though hard for a moment, "Make friends with all the little squirrels and humans?"

"And who is your master?"

"Zim!" Gir lit up, "Where is he? Is he hiding? Master?!"

At least it was functioning properly. Well, properly was subjective. What mattered was that the restore had gone off without a hitch. "He's not feeling well, Gir," Dib started. He'd had more experience with defective SIR units than most, but Gir was on another level. "He needs your help to get better."

"Master?!?!" Gir screeched, Dib's hands instinctively flew to his antennae, his disguise shimmered as his hands passed through holographic black hair.

"That—" Dib choked out, "Will not help him get better. Now I need you to listen very carefully. If anything goes wrong, your master will explode."

"Explode?!" Gir was running around, panicked. "My master's gonna die?!"

"Yes!" Dib grabbed the robot, stopping it in its tracks. He knelt down to its eye level and drew in close. "Zim will explode if anything goes wrong. You have to follow my exact instructions to a T, okay?"

"Okay!" Gir's eyes flashed red, but his panicked expression didn't dissipate. Dib let go of the little robot, trying to figure out the simplest way to explain everything to it.

~

"Where did you two disappear off to?" Zim was ready and waiting when Dib and Gir tried to surreptitiously sneak back into the kitchen. The burnt husk of a microwave sat smoldering behind him.

"Mast—" Gir tried to screech, nearly launching himself at Zim. Dib quickly slapped a hand over the robot's mouth and held him back.

"We were talking," Dib said, squeezing the robot in warning. Gir relaxed and Dib slowly let him go. "About... stuff."

"Stuff" Zim raised an eyebrow at the two of them. "Did you tell him about... you know."

"I don't. Know, that is."

"The Lien-ay thing." Dib stared at him blankly. If Zim was speaking a different language it wasn't registering. "You!" Zim added with a hiss, gesturing vaguely. Gir stared at his master in confusion.

"I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"Did you tell him you are an a-l-i-e-n?" Zim spelled out the word, eyes darting frantically between Gir and Dib.

"What?" Dib blinked, "Oh! Yes, that's what we were talking about."

"No! We were ta—" Gir blurted out, Dib quickly slapped his hand over the robot's mouth again.